


Never

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-26
Updated: 2010-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:36:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles is thirty years old and he’s never been with a man before. When he finally works up the nerve to try it out, he thinks picking up a hooker from the street will keep things from getting too complicated. No part of him is ready for the slightly broken Jared and the boy’s wishes for a life he could never have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This was not the first time he'd been in this side of town. In fact, it was the fifteenth time but it was a real step up from the first. That time he'd driven straight past the moment he saw the first guy leaning against the cold brick wall with a suggestive leer. It must be said that Jensen was not afraid. _No_. Jensen was never afraid. Mostly. And no, that thing with the spiders didn't count because seriously - things shouldn't have that many legs or eyes. To the point though, Jensen was not afraid of _downtown_ , even if his brand new BMW sedan that was screaming _does not belong._

Most of the other times Jensen had gone a little slower, checked out the _scenery_ so to speak, but nothing had been worth crossing that line. The whole, bi-curious watching gay porn in the darkness of his apartment late in the night with all the blinds closed, line. It had to happen soon though because Jensen had just turned thirty and he was beginning to worry he might go through a mid-life crisis of epic proportions if he didn't take matters into his own hands. Or well, put them in someone else's hands. Hopefully someone who could put this issue to rest and Jensen could either get over the may be interested in guy's thing or, well. Pursue it.

That was all still up in the air.

So this time around Jensen was once more scanning the streets looking for _someone_ , some guy that didn't look like he was crawling with diseases or like he hadn't showered for the past month. Looks mattered, Jensen wasn't shallow but if this was going to be a onetime deal it was at least going to happen with someone pleasing to the eye.

All day long he'd been thinking about this - pretending it didn't get him hard, pretending it wasn't driving him crazy sitting there in his fancy high rise office looking at numbers for major accounts and not really processing anything. It was though, driving him crazy, and now Jensen was running out of street and getting a little more than frustrated.

Then he saw him.

The man, boy really because though his form looked lengthy on the box he was sitting on, legs stretched out ahead of him, he still looked young. "Well," Jensen inhaled quickly and tightened his fingers on the wheel, pulling over to the side of the road. He stared for awhile out the front windshield, working up the courage to look to the side. It didn't seem to be coming and he was just about to hit the gas pedal when a tap sounded on the window. Jensen jumped in his seat, eyes shooting to the side with a shaky exhale.

His lashes fluttered a few times at the face on the other side of the window, floppy hair falling in the guy's face and Jensen's heart flipped in his chest. It couldn't hurt to talk to him. Jensen didn't even know the prices or whatever. And, this guy was cute. Really cute. If a bit young. Jensen thought he might be pushing it looking for someone nearer his age. Blowing out a low breath he hit the switch for the window and leaned toward him.

"Hi," was his opener, not at all smooth and it certainly wouldn't give an awesome first impression but well, whatever.

"I'm Jared, you a cop?" Flipping his hair back off his forehead Jared stuffed his notebook in his back pocket. At least this guy looked nice.

"Do, I mean, would a cop tell you if he was a cop?" Jensen's brain instantly went to the logical thought there but the guy didn't seem too amused, or whatever. Flinching, he shook his head quickly. "No. I'm not. I'm an accountant. Kind of. But uh, very not cop."

"A cop has to tell me if he's a cop. Legal thing. Whatever. You looking for someone? Someone like me?" Jared leaned his arms on the door. Nice car, and actually the guy was good looking, not just _nice_ looking. A little uptight maybe, but Jared could live with that. He kept a serious expression on his face, he'd been told it was sexy, didn't really know if it was but it sure seemed to work on most guys - especially guys _this_ age.

Eyes sweeping out across the windshield once more, Jensen basked in the momentary illegal _thrill_ of it all. Seriously, he was really about to hire a prostitute, this was just a bit too much. Maybe. But. "Yes. I was looking, am looking for. Um. Someone like you. Or you. God, okay I've never done this and I hope that doesn't mean you've just been given some secret code to take advantage of my naivety or something." Jensen glanced over at him and sighed. "If I just insulted you- Sorry. Do you want to uh, get in?" He unlocked the doors and bit down on his lip to get himself to shut up.

Jared had already had a good look at the car, nice BMW, nice clothes - designer shirt, expensive watch. His lips twitched into a smile and he yanked the door open and slid on to the front seat. Jared took a chance on the money thing; he could use a night in a cheap motel with hot water and a clean bed. "Whatcha want? I'll suck you off for fifty, for seventy-five you can fuck me but not without a condom." It was hard to look at them when he did this part - it was the worst - the one part that made him feel less-than-human.

Jensen's instincts had him torn between flinching and getting turned on by the guy's words. He wasn't really sure _what_ he wanted which was exactly why he couldn't just go to some gay club and pick up a guy like he would a girl. Who wanted a "virgin" so to speak?

"Can I, wait? To decide. I mean, I definitely think a blow job. But I might want more I just don't know yet." He glanced over at the boy, not sure if he should be driving yet or if they had to work out details first. "I'm Jensen, by the way."

"Two J's," Jared smiled brightly for a few moments before remembering the situation. "Okay, but you could give me the fifty now. I don't want to get ripped off later - like if you change your mind 'cause I might miss something. You wanna get a motel or something?" Usually, guys wanted to just go down some alley because really, what they wanted was Jared's mouth on them as soon as possible. They tended not to give a shit where it happened. "There's an alley over there if you don't wanna waste your time." Jared dropped his gaze to his hands and fidgeted.

"A hotel. Blow jobs in the car, not so much my thing. And this is new." Jensen reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, grabbing a fifty and handing it to the man. "So, I should just call you J?" He asked quietly, really wishing there had been some online protocol for how to deal with a hooker. There wasn't, he'd looked. "What hotel should I go to?"

"You can call me whatever works for you. Jared is my name. I just thought the _J_ thing was cute... anyway. There's a motel around the corner," he shrugged and pointed off to the right. "S'clean enough and you can get the room for the whole night for like forty - you gotta pay though." Jared's fingers smoothed over the leather seat; the material was soft and warm.

Nodding, Jensen pressed his foot down on the pedal, relieved already to be leaving the street. "I'll call you Jared. And paying is not an issue." He was nervous and it felt weird. Jensen couldn't remember the last time he'd been nervous before sex. But this was a guy, and he was finally going to act on secret desires he'd been harboring for more than half his life.

Because of the nerves he didn't say anything on the short drive to the motel and Jared seemed content to remain silent as well. This probably wasn't the type of business you asked a lot of personal questions in anyway.

When they pulled into a spot Jensen climbed out, glancing once at his car as Jared unfolded himself from the seat and shut the door behind him. The man was taller than him, which was really saying something and the more Jensen thought about it, the more appealing Jared was to look at. A win there at least, even if he chickened out and bailed before anything happened which at this point still seemed like a possibility.

"So, there's no like, I mean, I just ask for a room? They don't um..." Jensen shrugged, fingers sliding down over his button down shirt to flatten imaginary wrinkles.

"Just give him forty and he'll give you a key - probably won't even talk to you." Jared had been there before, a lot of the guys brought people there - it was cheap and the guy behind the desk didn't ask any questions if you didn't trash the rooms. "You want me to go?"

"No, I've got it," Jensen nodded, heading inside to the front office. He could handle this and he needed to get a real grip on himself if he was going to make it through anything. Frankly, he couldn't spend any more time questioning and Jensen was better than this nervous wreck he was turning into.

It was just as Jared said, he paid for the room, the guy gave him a key without asking and less than two minutes later he was back outside, smiling slightly at Jared waiting there. "It's just over there," he pointed to a room a few doors down and decided against moving his car. If he needed to, he could see it from the window but Jensen suspected people didn't like to draw attention to by breaking into cars with such modern security systems. So he turned and led the way to the room, worrying his lip between his teeth as he pushed the door open.

There was really nothing to be said about the room, just a standard one bedroom place, not too fancy, not too dirty, Jensen dropped the key on the table and pulled out his wallet to lie beside it. "Is it obvious I've never done this before?" He asked with his back to Jared once he'd heard the door click shut.

"Doesn't matter, I can make you feel good." Of course, Jared wanted the seventy-five bucks but if he sucked the guy off and he left he'd have a room for the night so that could be good. Shrugging his jean jacket off he hung it over the chair then pulled his notebook out and put it on the seat. Sighing, he walked over to _Jensen_ and slid his hands along the man’s belt, pulling it loose and unbuckling it. "So what are we doing?"

Jensen's breath caught in his throat at just the _feel_ of Jared's hand there and he blinked, swallowing thickly. "Blow job, then, we'll see, I guess. Never done this you know I mean I've never been with a guy right? Not the prost- I mean, I've never done that either. Do you guys not kiss or is that just in the movies?" His lips twitched into a slight smile, blinking up at Jared and finding surprisingly stunning hazel eyes.

Jared didn't like kissing most guys - but then - a hell of a lot of them didn't look like Jensen. "You need me to kiss you a bit, get you in the mood?" Leaning closer, Jared slid his hands up over the man's chest - it was firm, warm and the shirt felt really nice under his hands. When he felt Jensen step back a little Jared simply followed until the man was pressed up against the door. "This'll be easier if you don't run away." Tilting his head slightly he parted his lips and brushed them across Jensen's then kissed his bottom lip, teasing, drawing it out as his hands slid back down the soft shirt.

Okay. Jensen could definitely do this. Jared's lips were soft, maybe more firm thaen a girl's but that was... good. Better than maybe. His eyes fell closed and he tilted into the kiss, body moving up against Jared's hands. Jared's lips tasted slightly sweet and ran moist against his own and Jensen's tongue moved out almost automatically to push forward.

At the first initial break into Jared's mouth he moaned and lifted his hands, unable to resist bringing them up to his hair. It was soft and silky through his fingers and Jensen pulled him in closer to deepen the kiss, heat flaring through his body at a speed he hadn't accounted for.

All things considered it was a pretty good kiss, _too_ good probably. These kinds of dates made Jared's heart a little heavy afterwards. Still, nothing wrong with enjoying it. The way Jensen had already got his hands on Jared's body was a good sign that things were going well. Hands curling over the man's hips, Jared turned them slowly as he worked his tongue expertly against Jensen's, swirling, pressing - letting it skip along the smooth edges of his teeth. Yeah, he liked kissing this one.

When Jensen's legs hit the bed Jared pulled back and lifted his hands to the top button and began undoing the man's shirt. "So, Jensen, seems like you like me okay." Jared brushed his open mouth slowly along the man's jaw as his hands made short work of the buttons.

He pressed Jensen back slightly so he would sit down then stepped between his legs, shoving them apart. The shirt fell off Jensen's shoulders and Jared smiled down at him, taken aback momentarily when the light from the window caught the green of his eyes. "You have ... nice eyes," he laughed softly - embarrassed. Dumb thing to say.

A faint blush - that Jensen would _never_ admit to - colored his cheeks and he smiled down at his lap. "Thanks. You have nice... well, just about everything really." He laughed uncertainly and thanked whatever god was out there that he wasn't self conscious of his body. He was, however, uncertain of what to do with his hands, reaching out to touch then drawing back. "You probably say that to everyone," he added a moment later, looking back up and smiling softly. "Wooing us over. Trust me, kissing you, maybe even looking at you had me plenty... wooed."

Jared slid down the man's body, hands on his thighs and settled between his knees. "First, just 'cause you paid me doesn't mean I lie. Don't say things I don't mean and second you can touch me however you want, just don't draw blood and we're good okay?" He blinked up at Jensen's face even as his hands were already undoing his button and zipper. "You should probably get comfortable." His eyes might have lingered a little too long on Jensen's chest -but _hell_ the guy was pretty and Jared didn't get to touch pretty very often.

"Okay," Jensen nodded slowly, not really sure how to get comfortable when he was suddenly so achingly hard and Jared on his knees between his spread legs wasn't helping matters much. "I would never," he murmured softly, reaching up to tuck hair behind Jared's ear, out of an obsessive need for order or something, not because he wanted to touch, honest. "Draw blood I mean. That sort of thing doesn't do it for me." Jensen smiled softly once more and ran his hands down to Jared's shoulders, curling along the fabric there.

"Can you take this off?" He asked quietly, bunching the fabric and biting his lip. "Or, um, can I just... take it off for you?" He did kind of want to touch Jared's chest as he did it, reassure himself of the differences between what was his norm and this, different.

Jared sat back slightly and nodded, watching him and Jensen lost himself in the man's eyes for just a moment before leaning forward. He slid his fingers under the bottom of the shirt first, soft creamy skin moving beneath his fingers as he pushed the material up.

Jared's arms went up to help but Jensen took his time mapping out the flesh as he pushed up, fingers brushing over nipples, curving along muscle and bone. He pulled the material up over the top of Jared's head, smiling when the man shook his head to get his hair to fall back into place. Jensen couldn't resist dipping forward enough to meet his lips once more, this time more confident and sure of the touch.

Sometimes, Jared had to remember to make the right noises, force out the right movements but this wouldn't be so hard. This man had great lips and he kissed like it was important, like it meant something - which Jared knew it didn't - but still. Nothing wrong with doing something well. Shifting closer on his knees he slid his palm down over the front of the man's crotch, pressing hard against the hard bulge he could feel there. Sinking down a little he kissed and mouthed his way down Jensen's neck, tongue moving over his flesh in gentle passes. "You decide what you want?" In case Jensen wasn't sure, Jared squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"Yeah, definitely your lips on me." That was easy enough to decide, Jensen had already been entertaining the thought before he met Jared and now that the man was here, it would be stupid not to go through with it. Clearly he wasn't wrong on the whole bi thing; at least his body was all on board. He shifted back, moving up into Jared's hand with a slow rock forward, arms falling back onto the bed to give the man more room to touch. Before Jared could work any further on getting his pants undone Jensen shifted back, crawling onto the mattress. "You might be more comfortable laying down," Jensen said as an explanation for his movements, plus then he wouldn't fall back and miss anything, this way he could tuck a pillow under his head and _watch_.

Jared's brows dipped slightly and he tilted his head. Most guys didn't give a shit if he were kneeling on the ground or slammed up against a wall with his cheek sliding over brick and this guy wanted him to be comfortable. Shaking his head Jared leaned down and tugged on Jensen's pants, most times, he'd just leave them lowered and get on with it - but he had to admit he wanted to see the rest of this guy's body. He obviously took care of himself, worked out probably, ate right - all those things Jared _didn't_ do. Kneeling on the bed he crawled up Jensen's body, kissing his way along his shin, over his knee then along his muscular thigh. _Damn_ , he even smelled good, clean and kind of outdoorsy somehow - something almost familiar.

And, he was hard. Jensen's cock was thick, flushed pink, bobbing slightly as Jared crawled closer. Sliding over to the side, Jared let his fingers skim over the rigid flesh and watched with slight amazement as the man jolted hard off the mattress. Smiling slightly, Jared hooked a leg over Jensen's to hold him still and leaned down to lap at the drop of pre-come he saw glistening in the half-light.

"Jesus," Jensen hissed, eyes fluttering closed and just as quick back open. He had to watch this to keep reminding himself that this was real. Pulling in a quick breath he watched Jared's tongue move along his cock and almost came from that alone. Thankfully he'd worked up enough stamina to last longer than that.

"God, Jared," he moaned softly and reached out, fingers reaching out to brush through Jared's hair, body tilting up toward the heat of the man's mouth.

Jared liked the way that Jensen said his name. He was actually getting hard himself which wasn't necessarily a good thing; but couldn't hurt just this once. Trailing his fingers over Jensen's balls, then up along the hot flesh of his cock, Jared opened his mouth and sank the tight ring of his lips down. Closing his eyes, he let his tongue pulse against the rigid flesh, fingers moving up to settle over Jensen's hip so he could control the thrusting if he had to. Humming softly, letting the vibration linger against the skin Jared swallowed, sucked and drew Jensen in almost completely.

Sparks of pleasure shot up through Jensen's body and he panted through parted lips, hips shifting up into the heat. Jared's mouth was doing things to him, crazy insane little things that made sparks flash across his vision. It was already the best blow job he'd ever had but probably because Jared did this, mastered it apparently. Another long moan fell from his lips, fingers sliding through Jared's hair then locking along the back, curling into the silky locks.

"Jared," he gasped again, forcing his eyes open by this point just to watch Jared move down over him. _Fuck_ this was beyond amazing, he thrust up slightly, feeling Jared's fingers holding him down.

Obviously, whatever hesitation Jensen had before - was gone now. Jared's tongue swirled round the man's cock and he raised and lowered his lips just enough to tease him, sucking and rolling the pre-come around his mouth, letting the flavor sink in. It wasn't unpleasant at all and Jared sucked harder.

Realizing that Jensen's wasn't going to suddenly flip him, or fuck into his mouth so hard he choked, Jared loosened his grip on the man's hip. His fingers found their way back down, combing through the curls until he could cup his balls. Smooth skin, hot, Jared squeezed slightly and swallowed deeper as Jensen's hips thrust up into his mouth. He could feel the head in his throat and worked his muscles when he swallowed so Jensen would feel _everything_. He liked this guy enough to make sure he wanted to come and find him again.

It was all too much, over stimulation, the feel of heat _everywhere_ and Jared's fingers along his balls, spinning his mind out of control. He could feel the pressure of each suck, the way it made his skin tingle, hips rocking up into each wave of Jared induced pleasure. "Jared," he gasped once more because it seemed to be the only thing on his mind. Of course. "M'gonna," he panted in warning, tugging at Jared's hair out of courtesy, eyes clamping shut as the beginning of his orgasm flared up in him, sparking down his veins.

Jared felt it, the way Jensen's body stiffened, his balls tightened so he pulled back just enough that he could ghost his tongue just under the head - sensitive and the right spot to give just a little bit more pleasure. Come burst into his mouth, Jensen's cock throbbed and twitched in his mouth and Jared swallowed, sucked and licked at the flesh.

Jensen's body lurched up off the bed, and Jared held on, sucking his cock dry then letting his lips slide off slowly. He felt each twitch, each shudder and he had to admit, it was good. Jensen kind of came apart all at once and Jared was pretty turned on. Stealing a glance up at the man's face, Jared felt his heart do a strange little jump. Jensen's cheeks were ruddy, lips wet, mouth parted as he panted - he was hot - there was really no other way to describe him.

There were a lot of reasons that Jared should be careful with a guy like this; wanting what he'd never get was a huge one. But still, those lips looked pretty damn good. Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, his brain lost the battle with his body and Jared crawled up to press down over Jensen's body. His lips were a hair's breadth from Jensen's, eyes locked. "Taste yourself," he murmured. Any excuse to get his lips on the guy's again. Pushing up slightly, Jared slanted his mouth over Jensen's and claimed it back again - tongue thrusting in to share the flavor of his release.

Pushing up into the kiss, Jensen sucked hard on Jared's tongue, pulling off the flavor of himself, moaning softly as it exploded through his mouth. It shouldn't feel that good but he'd never really done that before, tasted himself on someone's mouth. Hell, none of the girl's he'd been with had ever even swallowed so yeah. Shifting slightly, Jensen rolled against Jared, hands coming up to his chest.

Really, it all made sense, of course Jensen enjoyed a blow job, why wouldn't he? That didn't really mean all that much, or maybe it did but still. Pulling back slightly, he gazed into Jared's face, blinking at him. "Do you, um, could I maybe...?" He sighed shakily and shook his head. "Would it cost extra to give you a blow job?" Jensen flushed, feeling stupid for even _thinking_ that. Why the hell would that cost? God. He was an idiot.

Sucking his bottom into his mouth Jared thought about it. It wasn't all that easy for him to get off - not that he tried much, sex had become kind of weird for him since he started with the money stuff. But, he was hard and the guy was good looking and, hell, nothing wrong with getting a little pleasure out of it. "Don't see why you should pay." Jared shrugged and dropped his gaze actually feeling a little shy about it. Sure some guys wanted to see his cock, sometimes they even made a feeble attempt at jerking him off while they fucked him -but most of them didn't give a shit whether or not he enjoyed it.

For some strange reason he lifted his hand and cupped Jensen's cheek. There was light stubble on his face and Jared like the way it rasped under his palm. Smiling, he shook his head and sat up unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them down over his cock. Stroking the flesh a few times he lay back down and gazed into Jensen's eyes again - he liked them - the way they looked right _at_ him and not _through_ him like he was nothing. "All yours," he murmured, fingers still stroking.

Sitting up slowly, Jensen watched Jared's fingers moving over his cock, blinking slowly as he took in the sight. Jared was big, flesh red, swollen and curving up this stomach. Anticipation and nerves kicked up in Jensen and he shifted forward, looking up into Jared's eyes for a moment before reaching out.

Touching another man on the chest, kissing him, was completely different then touching his _hard_ cock. The skin was overheated against his palm and Jensen wet his lips uncertainly. He was going to be so very bad at this, bad enough to consider backing out of the idea but he had to _know_. Plus he kind of wanted Jared to feel some sort of pleasure from this whole thing too.

Jared's fingers fell away as Jensen slowly stroked him, testing the weight of the cock in his grip, thumb sweeping along the head. "I'm not going to be very good," he finally confessed, half shrugging and simply watching his hand move until he could hold along the base of Jared's cock and lean forward. Half bent over Jared's lap Jensen tentatively snaked his tongue forward, lapping once along the underside, up to the slit at the top. It was just skin, slightly more salty, warmer than usual but not unpleasant against his tongue. He familiarized himself with the slight grooves, the soft silk, tracing along the head and lower just to learn the contrast.

Sucking in a breath Jared let his head fall back against the mattress and cupped his hand over the back of Jensen's neck. "You're doing fine," he breathed. It was good, gentle and curious, different from what he was used to. Closing his eyes, Jared let himself relax for a while - the guy wasn't going to hurt him - wasn't some crazy fuck; he was just a nice guy, trying things out. A moan surprised him when it slipped past his lips and Jared let his hips roll gently. "Good, I like that," he murmured. Jensen's tongue was fiery hot, and Jared couldn't wait to get the heat of the man's mouth on him.

For some reason the slight praise to Jared's words made Jensen's stomach flip and he pulled back just enough to catch the pleasure on Jared's face before dipping back down. This time he parted his lips and sucked the head in, mimicking Jared's actions before by sucking enough to have Jared's hips moving up for more. Breathing in deep through his nose he pulled more of the man in, not taking as much as he would have liked but not wanting to risk it by taking too much, gagging and throwing off the whole thing. This was somehow turning out to be all very much more complicated than being with a girl but, it was hotter too. So. That was, definitely something to be processed later.

Jensen shoved the thoughts from his mind a moment after chastising himself for thinking _so much_. Working slowly he pulled up from Jared's cock and slid back down, pushing the boundaries each time to see how much he could take. He moaned around the flesh because it felt surprisingly good filling his mouth and shifted enough to yank at Jared's jeans. Hand pushing forward once more he cupped the man's balls, squeezing once, rolling slowly, learning the new weight and feel, gaining confidence each time Jared made some noise of pleasure or movement that suggested Jensen was on the right path.

Jared hummed softly, happy, his body tingling and sinking down into the soft mattress. Letting his body arch up slightly he moaned and reached down to rub his hand across the top of Jensen's back. "Feel _so_ good," he murmured.

It was good, better than good, Jensen seemed a little braver and every time he sank down over Jared's cock he went just a little deeper. Jared's heart was picking up speed a little and he was having trouble staying still. He even let himself indulge in a little fantasy, that this was his life - a house on a hill somewhere, a nice warm bed and a lover who wanted to touch him. _Fantasy_.

Twisting slightly, Jared thrust his hips up gently and felt his balls started to draw up. Jensen sucked hard on his shaft and Jared's hips jolted. "Hey, you're gonna make me come," he warned and pushed at Jensen's cheek. First time and all he didn't figure the guy need a mouthful of come.

Jensen held no pretense that he could swallow on his first go around so he allowed Jared to push him back, resuming stroking along the man's flesh until his orgasm hit. It was almost with rapt fascination, the way he watched Jared's hips jerk up, color flushing the man's cheeks, lips slightly parted. Jensen watched come land across Jared's chest, stroking the man until it seemed he was finished. And then, because he couldn't do all this and not _know_ , Jensen dipped forward and ran his tongue through the small splash of come on Jared's abs. It wasn't bad, not much really, salty but nothing too different from what he'd tasted on Jared's tongue minutes before. Maybe a little sweeter.

So he lapped at the remaining liquid, still warm against Jared's flesh and rolled the taste across his tongue. He wasn't even really aware that what he was doing might be a little unusual until he leaning over Jared's body, staring down into his eyes. The man was just kind of, watching him, and Jensen swallowed. "I um, just, curious." Jensen's lips flickered a smile on and off before he gave in and dropped back down to press his lips against Jared's.

"That was really hot," Jared murmured into the kiss. "No one's done _that_ before." And that was saying something. "You sure it was your first one?" He smiled, tongue tracing the outline of Jensen's lips.

Chuckling softly into the kiss, Jensen let his weight settle a little more across Jared's chest. "Positive. Though, I may have been thinking about all this for awhile. And, porn. They don't do that in porn though, so uh…" Jensen let himself trail off to deepen the kiss for a long moment before he rolled over and flopped onto his back, still pressed against Jared's side, arm across his stomach. He felt good. Light, like walking on air or something, like the tension from his shoulders had been worked out in the best sort of deep tissue massage. "If I came back down here, could I... call on you? Or however I say that without it sounding tactless?" He let his head fall to the side, gazing at Jared there.

Just like that, it was gonna be over. Jared sighed and sat up. "Sure, I'm always in the same area. I got a cell phone but I can't always afford to put minutes on it." Dropping his feet to the floor he tugged his jeans up most of the way and padded over to the bathroom. For once he was actually a bit wobbly and had to pause at the door for a few seconds. Snagging a towel he wiped himself down and headed back to look for his t-shirt. "So... you gonna stay in the room? You want me to go?" Smiling slightly he nudged at Jensen's foot.

Jensen figured it must be a prostitute thing - and he tried not to flinch at the word - the way Jared was already up and getting dressed and Jensen was still kind of trying to wrap his mind around the whole thing. He wasn't completely unaccustomed to one night stands, he'd had those before, but this was so entirely different.

"Oh um, no I guess. I mean, I'll just go home. You can have the room, if you want. If... well. I paid for the night." Jensen shrugged and pushed up, hand dragging through his hair. His skin was still tingly and his lips felt pleasantly plump and swollen. And he had about a million things to think about so it would be a miracle if he slept for the next week. "Thanks for, yeah. Okay." He nodded and fumbled for his pants, stepping quickly in and pulling them up, awkward goodbyes like this was some really bizarre business meeting.

"We could talk if you wanted," Jared blurted out. Crossing his arms he hugged himself tight, "I mean, your first time and all you look a bit ... well, are you okay? You can rest I won't do anything weird." Dropping his eyes, Jared smiled nervously. _Don't be stupid._ "Chad says I talk too much sometimes, he's my friend. Well, most of the time he's my friend. But sometimes, people gotta talk right?" Blowing out a breath he took a step closer. "I could maybe get us a soda or something, there's a machine down by the office." He tried not to sound too hopeful, but the room was his for the night, he had some money - and Jensen was nice. It couldn't hurt to be extra nice and actually make the guy want to call him again.

"Yeah?" Jensen smiled up at him, slowly dropping back onto the bed, shirt clutched in his fingers. "That would, yeah. That would be great. I um, are you sure? I mean, I'm sure fifty dollars isn't much and I don't want to take up all your time."

Jensen was trying to rationalize the slight guilt of it all, the insane want to talk to Jared because he couldn't talk to any of his friends about this kind of thing, but if Jared was expecting to go out and make more money to live off of, being with Jensen for the night would throw it off. He smiled as he slid back on the bed. "Maybe, I might want another blow job or hand job or something." That was a pretty likely possibility and it could keep Jared around, Jensen was definitely on board with that.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Jared looked down at the corner of the bed. That right there was why hoping for shit wasn't good. When it came right down to it - it had to be about the guy getting off. Jared made a mental note to _not_ tell Chad about any of the night's activities - he just end up getting called an idiot again. "You didn't say - you want a soda?" Shuffling closer to the bed, Jared finally dropped his arms and rooted around in his pockets for some change.

"Sure," Jensen nodded and picked at his jeans. He considered telling Jared he didn't have to pay for it but that seemed rude somehow. "Whatever you get is fine with me." He added, though usually he'd say diet. After all being thirty meant it was harder to keep his form but, whatever.

Yanking the door open, Jared strode down the walkway and stuffed some change in the machine. It would be nice to have a little bit of company, someone who could talk about different things. This Jensen didn't seem like the kind of guy who would be all crazy about keeping his business private. He had that cute kind of way about him, kind of like he might be the kind of person who just said what happened to pop into his mind.

After a quick glance at Jensen's car, Jared hurried back to the room; it was actually kind of chilly out. Winter was going to come early. Jared _hated_ winter. Long hours of standing out in the cold, it really sucked. He closed the door behind him and shivered. "God, it's cold out there. I got Coke, hope that's okay." Kicking his boots off he headed over to the bed, hesitated a moment then sat down on the edge and held out one of the cans of soda.

"It's great, thanks," Jensen nodded as he took the soda, opening it and taking a long drink, The boost of sugar would, oddly enough, go a long way to helping him have the conversation he'd been wanting to have with someone for years.

Setting the soda on the nightstand, Jensen fluffed the pillow up and dropped down onto it, eyes turning to Jared. "You could get comfortable. I mean, if you want. I guess you might be just as comfortable there." Jensen laughed softly at himself, turning his gaze down to his bed spread. "I'm not usually so much of a spaz. I guess just, being here, it kind of makes me feel like a teenager all over again." He felt stupid saying it but knew that it was true so he simply flopped back to stare at the ceiling.

"I _am_ a teenager." Jared's lips curled up and his nose wrinkled as he glanced up at Jensen through his hair.

Jensen frowned, looking over at Jared. "Like, eighteen?" He hadn't even thought about Jared's age and now that he was, he was a bit panicking. Not really but, he was thirty and had to have some sort of standards outside the whole hiring a prostitute thing.

"Sure, how old are you? Like twenty something?" Jared shifted a bit closer. He wanted to see Jensen's face, watching his lashes when he blinked. They were so freaking long it was almost ridiculous. What Jared really wanted was to touch them... but yeah. Not a good idea.

"I just turned thirty," Jensen groaned, rubbing his fingers along his face. "Old. Too old. I don't think you're eighteen by the way but I won't push it. You deserve your privacy or whatever." The _sure_ was just a placeholder, Jensen just hoped no one found out about this because he was pretty sure it was double illegal or something.

"Chill, I'm seventeen. Man, you're kinda wound up. I got a newsflash for ya - didn't do anything in this room I haven't done before." Jared took a sip of his coke then set it on the night stand so he could lie down on his side and face Jensen.

Frowning slightly, Jensen looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "But we did. I mean, I did. Things I haven't done before." There was a stain on the ceiling, Jensen wasn't sure he wanted to know how it got there. "I don't care how old you are. I just paid you to suck my cock; if I can get over that I can get over being almost twice as old as you."

"For an accountant you're kind of shitty at math," Jared laughed softly and shoved at Jensen's arm. "You're not twice as old as me and anyway, in experience I'm like fifty. It's like dog years." He nodded and shifted closer. Jensen smelled good, clean and new and fresh - the opposite of most things that Jared was around all the time.

"If you were two years younger, I would be double your age. So, that's, you know. Twice as old, whatever," Jensen huffed and looped his arm around Jared's body, pulling him into his side. "Have you been doing this long?"

Frowning, Jared slung a leg over Jensen's and settled down against him. "Yeah. Can't ya tell?" Trying to change the subject, well, kind of - Jared let his fingers trail back down Jensen's shirt running them back and forth over the tiny patch of bare skin just above his slacks.

"Not really. I mean, you were fantastic but my mind wasn't instantly going to go to trying to figure out how many times you'd sucked a guy off," Jensen chuckled softly, shaking his head. He didn't want to think about how long Jared had been doing this because the kid was _seventeen_ and that was all kind of sad. Plus it was nicer to just think about the little touches and not let himself get caught up in the reality of the situation. "So, what do you normally talk about? After, I mean."

"So. Like. You're not gay? Most of 'em aren't." Jared grinned as he picked up the conversation and then slipped his fingers under Jensen's waist band. "Did you like it?" Jared had liked it - which was completely _stupid_. Maybe he should tell Chad, so his friend would beat some sense back into him.

"I really, really liked it." Jensen smiled softly and slid his hand through Jared's hair just because. "And, well, that means I'm definitely at least partially gay. Bi I suppose. I like girls too. Though I'll admit this was the best blow job I've ever had. I've just been, curious about it for awhile." He half shrugged and turned slightly to stare down at Jared. "Was I okay? I mean, god, you've probably had a lot better, but... you kind of seemed like you enjoyed it?" Jensen was just relieved he got him there at all.

"Best ever," Jared teased. "You could like experiment more tonight if you wanted." _Idiot_ was the word that kept chiming through Jared's mind. It was stupid to get with guys he liked, just made him feel like crap later. Worse than crap usually. "I don't mind if you stay here with me, or we could talk," Jared slid his hand free of Jensen's pants, unsure suddenly if that was what the man wanted.

Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen shifted up into the touch, breath already picking up speed once more. "I like talking. And the idea of staying here with you. Do you charge? For me to stay here with you for the night? Because I would, I mean, that's, you know, okay. I can," he sighed shakily and blamed Jared's long fingers caressing his skin for so thoroughly distracting him. "God, I can't remember the last time someone got me hard again within a half hour of an orgasm," he muttered quietly and brushed his forehead against Jared's to get him to look up so their lips could meet.

"Don't charge for talkin'." Jared shrugged and licked along the man's bottom lip. Sweet like the soda, Jared sucked on it - lips sticky and clinging. It was automatic to let his leg drag up over Jensen's crotch, press down just slightly at the growing bulge he could feel there.

"This is not so much talking," Jensen pointed out in a whisper, hands sliding down Jared's back, pulling until the man slid the rest of the way over him, straddling his lap. Swallowing thickly he looked up into Jared's eyes and swept his thumb along Jared's bottom lip. "You're kind of beautiful. Did you know that?"

Shrugging a shoulder, Jared frowned. "Yeah, right. I'm a prize." He shifted his hips forward and wriggled a little because he liked the way it made Jensen's face flush darker. "So, you wanna fuck me?" Licking his lips Jared leaned down and breathed his way down the man's stubbled cheek, the dip at the base of his neck then along his collar bone. Sucking gently at the skin, he warmed it - letting the blood pull up and bruise. _Now, he'd have to think of Jared at least once._

"You are a prize," Jensen said through a gasp, head rolling back into the pillow. "Next time. Next time I fuck you. This time, just still working on accepting what I've already known for years." Plus Jensen really wanted there to be a _next time_ with Jared, though he was refusing to acknowledge why that might be. "Jesus, something about you like this," Jensen couldn't name why Jared straddling him was making it so hard to breathe. In a really fucking fantastic way.

Jared let his hips roll slowly against Jensen's. _Too bad_ , it had been a while since he'd been fucked by someone he actually liked. Stretching his body out a little, spreading over Jensen, Jared slid his arms up to curl around the man's neck. "You gonna come see me again?" That stupid little spark flared in his heart again and Jared squelched it quickly. He'd always kind of hoped he might find some guy who was nice, who would call him regular so maybe he could stay off the streets sometimes - do something else for a change.

"Definitely." Jensen answered without hesitation, ignoring the fact that he could. He had no idea when it would be, or if he'd think about it in a few days and completely lose his nerve, but he'd see Jared again. He was confident in that. "You gonna remember me?" He murmured, hips rocking up to meet Jared's motions, tongue slipping across his lips once more.

"'Course I will, Jensen the accountant with long eyelashes who smells like spring." Jared blushed. It was the way he remembered people, putting together the pieces in his head like a puzzle - he just usually didn't say it out-loud.

Nuzzling into the man's neck Jared sucked and kissed at the skin, enjoying the way Jensen's body twisted beneath him. Oh, the man liked it, Jared could tell - this was good. Make him want more - then he might not change his mind later. Might actually come back for him.

"You gonna talk to me?" Jared laughed softly, "said you wanted to talk... what about?" Shifting his hips from side to side he made a point of pressing his own crotch against Jensen's thigh in case he had managed to miss how turned on Jared was.

"Talking? 'Cause my brain is supposed to work right now?" Jensen huffed a small laugh and shifted his thigh up against Jared's arousal. He kind of wondered if Jared had tricks to get himself hard or if Jensen was actually responsible for it. He didn't ask because that seemed rude and he was trying to avoid being that. "No one knows I like guys," Jensen breathed, voice catching when Jared's lips ghosted across his skin. "None of my friends or family. It's nice to be open about it."

"I do," Jared whispered against hot flesh. His fingers loosened the top buttons on Jensen's shirt again so he could bury his nose under the material, pushing at it gently. "You okay with it? Liking guys?" Pulling his hands forward a little, Jared started to massage the back of Jensen's neck, his knotted up shoulders.

"More and more every minute," Jensen laughed softly, ending in a moan. Jared's hands on him were driving him a little on the crazy side but it wasn't a bad thing. Not at all. It was very, definitely, good. "God that feels good," he murmured and rocked up into Jared's body once more, loving the sparks of pleasure shooting up in him.

"Guess there's not much of a problem then. Your friends. They nice to you, treat you good?" Jared slid his hands up through the man's hair, scratching at his scalp lightly with his nails. He knew all the things that made someone feel good and wasn't ashamed to try them all to get Jensen to come back. Shifting slightly he was able to reach the corner of Jensen's mouth with his, lips still damp and warm – pressing them there gently.

Humming softly, Jensen tilted into the kiss, lips parting against Jared's, tongue snaking out to slide against the man's. He really liked kissing Jared and it was much easier to focus on that then think about how his friends might react if he told them about the gay thing, maybe gay, bi definitely.

Moaning into the kiss, Jensen's hands slid in constant movement against Jared's body, touching everywhere he could then gripping his ass and rolling him down. Even with clothes separating them it was almost too erotic to handle.

"You want me? I can do whatever you need," Jared's voice was low, a little breathy as he panted. Circling his hips firmly, he made sure he gave Jensen lots of friction, pressure, holding him down and grinding against him. His teeth grazed down the front of the man's neck, nipping gently and riding the arch of muscular body underneath him.

Jensen did _want_ Jared, really, really wanted him. Only he kind of liked the idea of having a real, solid excuse to come back. Not that he wouldn't anyway but still. "Want this. Next time though. Soon." Plus Jensen didn't have anything like lube or condoms and he kind of wanted to have the entire night to be able to explore the boy. As it stood he had an appointment at eight thirty and the fact that it was almost midnight was a constant tick in his occasionally anal retentive mind. "You believe me right? That I'm coming back?"

Sighing, Jared slid over to the side. "Doesn't really matter what I believe. You'll do what you do - I don't have stupid _Pretty Woman_ fantasies. I _know_ what I am." Smiling slightly, knowing it made it nowhere near his eyes Jared rolled over and dropped his feet to the floor. Snatching his soda off the night stand he took a few more sips. "You got other stuff you wanna talk about?"

"Whoa, wait. What just happened?" Jensen sat up, flinching at the uncomfortable pressure in his jeans. "I wasn't like, trying to make you feel bad or something. I just, I _want_ to fuck you Jared. Really. I just want to have a night to do it in when I don't have to be up early and all the way across town. You don't have to, I mean, I liked you... like that. That was good." Jensen reached out for him but fell back, hands settling in his lap.

"You want more - you should tell me and pay me. You wanna talk? I'll listen for a while then I gotta get going." He should have gone right after he got Jensen off, that's what he _should_ have done. This just sucked. Jared hated the feeling that he would just disappear again, another face on the street - it bothered him more than the sex, more than letting a guy touch him just 'cause he paid for it - being nothing. Pushing up, he padded over to the door and tugged his boots back on. "I can make more tonight, then come back here and sleep if you let me keep the key."

Jensen was a little unsure how everything got so out of whack but he wasn't going to sit here and _mope_ about it because that was ridiculous. It wasn't like he didn't know exactly what Jared was. "Fine. Keep the key." Pushing off the bed Jensen found it not so difficult to push back the arousal now that everything had flipped around and such.

It was probably just his brain and the part of him never having been with someone like Jared before. Why would he even think Jared would want to waste the rest of the night here? Doing up the buttons on his shirt once more Jensen dipped down to slip into his shoes, grabbing his wallet from the table. "Do I owe you anymore?" He checked, not looking at Jared, flattening his shirt down instead as he tucked it in.

"No, all paid up." Jared dropped his gaze, suddenly feeling kind of pissed at himself. He could have been spending a nice evening just lying there and talking. He did this all the time, made shit more complicated that it needed to be. "I'm sorry, for being... like this. I just-" he sighed and scratched at the back of his hand. "Well, it was nice to meet you Jensen." Jensen _the accountant with long eyelashes who smells like spring_.

Hesitating, Jared tried to think of a way to say he changed his mind, he was stupid, he didn't really have to go back out there. Hell, he was just going to double back once Jensen drove off and curl up under the sheets. But there was nothing there - no excuse - no reason that wouldn't get him in even deeper. "You drive safe." Snatching the key off the table, Jared opened the door and stepped outside, rubbing his arms to warm up.

It kind of sucked that Jensen didn't move fast enough to even get out some form of a goodbye. What would he say anyway? Hey, thanks for letting me suck your cock! Yeah, it sounded just about as good in his head. Sighing softly Jensen rolled his shoulders and headed for the door. The tension was back, but at least Jensen knew he was for sure into guys too. Which had been the task he'd had in mind when he started the night.

Heading for his car, Jensen kept his head down and chose not to look to see which way Jared went. What did it matter anyway? He was just some guy he'd paid to help with his potentially into guys crisis. And that was that.

Jared watched until Jensen's car pulled out of the parking lot then slipped back into the room. He hadn't even bothered to take his coat, so sure, somehow that Jensen would have stayed in the room - or asked Jared to stay. Slipping the deadbolt, Jared got undressed and burrowed under the covers. It smelled of laundry soap - but better than that; a little like Spring.


	2. Chapter 2

After a solid week of thinking about very little outside his little romp into gay experimentation, Jensen came to the conclusion that he needed to talk to someone about it. Like, someone who knew him, someone who could listen to his facts and data and offer a logical solution for the problem.

Well, it wasn't much of a problem, not _really_. It was just a thing. A part of himself he hadn't been able to really name. Just that he thought he could still feel Jared's lips around his skin when he touched himself in the shower, or when he was just sitting in the middle of a meeting with the execs from Walmart so that wasn't so good. Though the imagery for getting himself off was much better then gay porn.

Jensen was refusing to entertain the notion that any of this could be directly related to Jared specifically. At this point time, he was fairly sure things hadn't ended on a good note with the man. Obviously he'd said something that had touched a raw nerve.

Or maybe he'd just pushed things too far. That could very easily have happen. Jensen was used to going out and finding someone, going on dates, and then relaxing in bed after sex without an issue. And for just a tiny little moment in time Jensen had kind of thought he'd have that with Jared, they were relaxing and enjoying each other and heading toward something more than it was just kind of done.

For the first few days of the week Jensen could still see the bruise on his neck. He touched it, watching in the steam clearing mirror after his shower. There was definitely _something_ he needed to talk to someone about, he just wasn’t sure to whom.

He spent the second week after the Jared thing trying to decide which friend specifically he could divulge such a secret to. Chris was out of the question. Jensen was pretty sure Chris would be okay with the whole thing, but he wasn't someone who could openly discuss the inner and outer workings of being interested in guys.

Maybe he could talk to Steve, the guy was generally open minded but he was also one of those strong silent types and most of his advice would probably be something like _go where your heart leads you_ or whatever. Steve was like the closest thing to a hippie that Jensen knew. It wasn't time yet to talk to his family either, still needed to be a bit more sure of things or whatever. And stop feeling so ridiculous for being a thirty year old man who was trying to come to grips with the idea of being maybe a little more into guys than girls.

In the end he chose Danneel.

They'd dated once, for a while. But it was kind of one of those things that had ended on a note of _we're better off friends_ and they really were. So Jensen called her up and on the two week anniversary of giving his first blow job - yes he was lame enough to have it marked like that in his mind - and he even cooked her dinner because if he was springing this on her, it seemed appropriate.

"Jen." She grinned at him as he opened his door, stepping in to kiss his cheek. "It's been too long. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me."

"How could I do that? Just got a little too carried away I suppose. Life I mean. Work. Stuff." Jensen stepped back and frowned because she was going to see through that instantly.

Of course she did.

"What happened?" Danneel asked as she came into the apartment, dropping her purse on the table though she knew Jensen would move it to the rack by the door just to keep things tidy. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm alright," Jensen nodded and did exactly _that_ with the purse, hanging it on the rack. Just to keep things ordered because little else felt that way recently. Danneel just kept watching him as he went back to the kitchen and stirred the pot of pasta, tested the sauce, poured two glasses of wine. Jensen could feel her eyes boring into him, constantly staring and he sighed under the pressure.

The trippy thing about Danneel was the way she could get things out of him without even trying. She just leaned against the counter, watching him go about making up the dinner, handing her plates to set on the table, dishing up the food in serving containers. She didn't say a single word until they'd set down and even then it was really just her clearing her throat.

"I gave a guy a blow job. And he gave me one. And I paid for it. And his name is Jared, he's only seventeen and he works downtown. He's got ridiculously floppy brown hair and these sparkly hazel eyes and really smooth skin and _great_ lips. Plus he's taller than me, a good few inches. But things didn't end so well and I'm pretty sure I made an idiot of myself somehow so, well. I want to go back though and find him and bring him home so I can fuck him." Jensen exhaled low and heavy as the words tumbled out, relieved to finally get it all out in the open.

For her part, Danneel tried to school her emotions before she could look too shocked. He saw it though, the glimpse of the feeling and clearly he'd just thrown her for a loop. "Did you just say, seventeen? And... you paid for it? Jesus, Jensen, you paid to get a blow job from a seventeen year old boy?"

Jensen looked up from his plate and bit down on his lip, eyebrow quirking up slightly. "That's uh, probably not something I should do right?"

She snorted a laugh and shook her head, hand sliding up through her hair. "If you need to ask, then I think we have more issues than the fact that you're apparently gay now."

"Bi. I'm pretty sure. Just because I haven't been able to get hard thinking about a girl for the past... while. Well. Look it doesn't matter. I mean, no it does. Completely. Can we just say I'm bi because you know I have sex with girls?" Jensen drained half his glass of wine in one go because this was definitely an _alcohol-essential_ conversation.

"What's the real problem here Jen? Sounds to me like you've decided you like guys. And well, there's the whole underage hooker thing. Is that what you want to discuss?"

"Is going again and fucking him a bad idea?" Jensen asked softly, knowing what he wanted her to say, not confident she shouldn't be smarter about it or something.

Danneel twirled pasta around her fork and sighed softly. "And why can’t you just go to a gay bar and pick up a guy? Without paying?"

"Because, they'd have the upper hand, they'd... what if they wanted to top? What if it got out of control and I didn't know how to make them stop? I work out but I'm not strong. Jared though, he makes his money by doing what I want. And he already knows I have no experience but he doesn't care. He'd help me along." Jensen had really already had this argument a few times in his mind so really, that wasn't the issue.

Laughing softly, Danneel shook her head. "Sounds like you've already made up your mind then."

Jensen hadn't realized it until she said it but she was right. He had made up his mind. He'd just needed to get it all out apparently. "Yeah. I guess I have." They ate in silence for a few moments before he cleared his throat. "So you're really going to support the prostitute thing?"

"Absolutely not. But I'll support you," Danneel smiled softly at him and shrugged. "Just, don't do something stupid like falling in love with him or something. People like that, trust me Jen, he's not looking for love."

"I'm not going to fall in love with him," Jensen protested and tucked back into his pasta, refusing to tell her just how many times he'd thought about Jared over the course of two weeks.

"So... how much does it cost?"

"Shut up Dani," Jensen muttered. There was no way he was telling her that.

-=-=-=-

A week later, Saturday night, Jensen found himself downtown once more. This time he was scanning the roads for Jared, heart thumping heavily in his chest, nervous and unsure. He didn't want to do this with anyone else. He trusted Jared - if that wasn't too crazy - and he had told Jared he'd be back even if it didn't seem like the man believed him. Plus he was attracted to Jared, so really, it made sense.

The first go around he didn't see him.

The second go around he thought he saw him but by the time he got to the end of the block it was just some blond guy and no Jared in sight. He ignored the guy's leer and looped around for another drive along the stretch of road.

This time he spotted Jared. He was sitting on a milk carton and writing in the same pocket notebook he'd been writing in before. The first time Jensen had been too nervous to really give it much thought. This time though Jensen arched an eyebrow curiously. He pulled up on the street in front of Jared and slipped the car into park, waiting for Jared to look up. He didn't. Frowning slightly, Jensen leaned toward the window, peering out just to make sure he wasn't mistaken when he'd thought it was Jared.

Since it was and the guy still wasn't looking, Jensen wasn't really sure what to do. He glanced down at his crisp black button down, snug jeans, sighed softly and considered the possibility that he really had offended Jared somehow and now the guy wasn't interested in him or his money. Then he rolled down the window and leaned forward. "Um, Jared?" He called tentatively, brow furrowing in concern.

Jared had seen the car, of course he had. He'd seen it the last time it had gone round the block but figured that Jensen wouldn't have the nerve to come back around. He'd watched the car go slowly down the road, at first figuring maybe it was just a similar car but he could see him. From where he was standing just around the corner of the alley behind the Chinese place - Jared could see him. Jensen, the accountant with long eyelashes who smells like spring.

After the car disappeared he came back to his usual spot, sat down and opened his notebook. And then the car had been there again and there wasn't time to move. Without even looking up Jared knew who it was.

Closing his notebook slowly and turning it over in his hands a few times Jared stood and walked over to the car. Resting a hand on the door frame he leaned down, looking at the steering wheel rather than the face of the man he'd thought about nearly every day since they met. "Hi, what's up?"

"Um." Jensen flushed, embarrassed and for whatever ridiculous reason feeling utterly stupid for being there. Jared looked anything but interested. "I just thought-" Sighing softly, he ran his fingers along his jaw, looking out his window and back. "Should I leave you alone? Sorry, I thought, I mean. I can go, if you're not uh, working or whatever." Jensen shrugged and slid his fingers back around his neck.

"I'm workin' - what you lookin' for?" Jared's eyes moved over Jensen's hand and up his arm. He looked nervous, but that shouldn't have surprised Jared.

"For, the night," Jensen said quietly and curled his fingers around the steering wheel, reminding himself that this was how it _went_. Jared wasn't some guy he was taking out on a second date. Jared was a prostitute and it made no difference if Jensen was a repeat or not, he was just another job. So Jensen had to stop being stupid about this and that was just how it would be. "I want to fuck you," he managed to say, looking toward Jared and away, cheeks coloring once more with the words.

Jared swallowed and dropped his gaze. "Okay." Pretty harsh. Obviously Jensen had gotten over his nerves. Pulling the door open, Jared slid into the car. "You don't gotta pay for the whole night to fuck me - seventy-five and you can do it." Jared's fingers curled around his notebook. "You remember where the motel is?"

"But I want you for the whole night," Jensen looked toward him, glancing down at the notebook then back up. "So. I'll pay for the whole night, for any of the other people you could make money from." He looked away from Jared, unsure once more, annoyed with himself for thinking whatever stupid ideas that had made him think Jared meant the little things he'd said before. Jensen was _stupid_. And Danneel was right. "So, should I pay up front?"

"Don't have to do that," Jared murmured. It was everything he'd wanted to avoid because he was already feeling like he had been too mean to the guy the first night and now he was ruining what could be a good gig because he had a bee up his ass about this Jensen and how he seemed different. Chad was right - he was full of shit. "I know you're good for it."

"Okay." Jensen nodded and started for the motel. He kind of wanted to take Jared to his place, familiar ground, less worry about spending the night in some random bed with maybe questionable sheets but that was probably a no. And then he'd take Jared way out of his neighborhood and that wasn't fair to him. Things were quiet like the time before on the drive, Jensen wanted to ask how he'd been but wasn't sure if they stood on that ground, or if it'd be weird, or whatever.

When they got to the motel he pulled into a random spot out front and made a note of the door number before climbing out and heading for the office, berating himself the entire time. He needed some serious lessons in talking with people he hadn't known for years like all his other friends. Maybe that was another downfall of being older.

It took less than a couple of minutes to get the key for the room and he headed back to his car, grabbing his bag from the back seat. Looking over at Jared, he half smiled and shrugged. "Just, clothes. Nothing, it's not," he sighed softly and shook his head, turning to head for the door, locking his car over his shoulder.

Following along behind him, Jared stuffed his notebook in his back pocket. "You alright? You sure about doing this? You seem kinda... weird." Jensen stopped in front of the door abruptly and Jared ran straight into the back of him, head colliding with the back of the other man's. "Ouch," he murmured, rubbing at his forehead.

"Yeah, no, I'm okay. I just," Jensen shrugged and rubbing at his head, looking back at Jared before pushing the door open and heading inside. "It's stupid. I was just thinking about, last time. And the way things ended, and, I don't know. I guess none of that really matters but if I offended you I'm really sorry." He gave Jared a small, uncertain smile, dropping his bag on the chair.

"You didn't offend me," Jared had the decency to look down at his hands for a few moments then turned and locked the door. "Sometimes, I get really- well, I'm sorry." Looking back up Jared returned the smile and shrugged out of his jacket. "You mind if I go in the bathroom and get ready?" It wasn't like he was dirty or anything. He'd stayed at the shelter the night before and managed to grab a shower before heading out but he figured it could hurt to wash real quick - and take care of things Jensen might not think of.

"Okay," Jensen nodded then half stepped forward, catching Jared's arm before he could leave the room. "I, it's okay, if you say no to this but, could I um, prep you and stuff? I mean, I know you probably don't need it but... the whole, never done this, get the whole experience thing I guess." Jensen shrugged and let go of Jared's arm since he'd been stroking with his thumb. "It's okay if you'd rather, I'm sure I can imagine how it works."

Jared pushed his hair back off his forehead when Jensen let go of his arm. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you want." He slipped into the bathroom quickly and leaned back against the door. _God_. Jensen was doing everything to make Jared feel like a shit, a miserable seventeen year old immature shit. Jared picked up a washcloth and sniffed it - it was clean so he cleaned up as quick as he could - after all - it was Jensen's dime.

Taking a deep breath he pulled the door back open and wandered out. Jensen was sitting on the end of the bed, still looking a little tense - maybe even a little confused. "How you been?" Jared toed off his boots and padded over to stand in front of Jensen, hesitating just a moment before lifting his hand to curl two fingers under the man's chin and make him look up.

"Okay," Jensen smiled slightly and pushed up to his feet. "I talked to one of my friends about everything. It was nice to get it out there. She was really helpful. Well, no, she wasn’t really but it was still nice to talk about it." He shrugged and watched Jared. "How have you been?"

"Good." Jared shuffled back slightly and jammed his hands in his pockets. "So... you wanna do this?" He was actually nervous, which was _ridiculous_. "I ... I'm, well, I didn't- you can do whatever you want. You know." Remembering his notebook, he reached around and tugged it out of his back pocket and put it on the chair.

"What's in that?" Jensen asked curiously, gesturing to the notebook. Then he remembered that it was none of his business and smiled, shaking his head. "Sorry, probably way personal. Um, okay." Stepping out of his shoes Jensen pushed them back by the chair then turned to Jared, rubbing his slightly sweaty palms on his jeans. "I put, the things, over there," Jensen gestured to the nightstand where he'd set the condoms and lube while Jared had been in the bathroom. "So, just so you know I remembered the rules." He half smiled once more and stepped closer to Jared, fingers lifting to rest on his jaw, pulling him for their lips to meet.

Lashes falling to his cheeks Jared stepped forward and pressed his lips to Jensen's. He tasted sweet again, not like coke this time but kind of minty. It was nice. Brushing their lips together slowly, Jared pulled back slightly. "It's a to-do list," he murmured. "The notebook I mean." Finally, a real smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he let it broaden into dimples as he stared down into Jensen's eyes. It was a peace offering.

Watching the smile light across Jared's face made Jensen's heart flip in his chest. "A to-do list? That's pretty awesome." Jensen kind of thought it was, mainly because he was fairly sure Jared's to-do list consisted of more things than take out the garbage and get a haircut. Fingers sliding back around Jared's neck, Jensen brought him in to kiss that smile, lips warm and pleasant against his own. "Will you tell me one?" He murmured into the kiss, free hand settling along Jared's side, slipping beneath the fabric. He wanted to control this, wanted to pretend it was just a normal date and now he was going to woo Jared. Or something.

Laughing quietly, Jared looped his arms around Jensen's neck and swayed back and forth slightly. "Buy a new pair of jeans. Never had a new pair - always got hand me downs or stuff like that. It's not a big deal, just things like that." Jared's smile faded slightly and he pressed a little closer. "So, you want me to get undressed?"

"I'll get you there," Jensen murmured then laughed at his phrasing, shaking his head slowly. "Naked I mean." Jensen pushed his fingers up under Jared's shirt, across his skin, pushing at the fabric, dragging it up over his head and tossing it to the side.

"Will you tell me if I do something wrong?" Jensen spoke softly, small smile on his lips as he dipped in to kiss along Jared's shoulder, up across his neck. He wanted to mark the skin but figured Jared wouldn't appreciate that with his next clients or whatever. His hands slid around to Jared's back, massaging softly, dipping down to the jeans, pushing under the fabric, breath catching at the skin there. Jared's skin tasted warm and salty against his tongue and Jensen lapped at it, learning the taste.

Humming softly, Jared nodded slowly then shook his head, "you won't do anything wrong. Can't." It's not like Jared would say anything anyway. Guys didn't pay for sex so they could get a critique. "Just do whatever feels good; I'm sure it will be fine." He let his hands slide down Jensen's chest, fingers bumping over his nipples. "I like your hands on me, like the way your skin feels too – it’s soft." Letting his head fall back, Jared gave Jensen all the room he needed to explore.

"Soft," Jensen repeated, chuckling softly, lips brushing along Jared's collar bone. He breathed deeply and slid his hands between them, fingers continuing to dip just below Jared's jeans, tugging at the button, pulling the zipper down a moment later. There was something a little thrilling about getting Jared naked, still being clothed himself. It felt right, like this moment was more than what Jensen _knew_ it was. He stepped back as Jared's pants fell from his hips, eyes dragging along the full length of him. "Now, I think you need to bring me up to speed," he held his arms up slightly, half smiling at Jared.

Blinking, Jared raised his eyebrows. "Bring you ... uh, up to speed?" Stepping out of his jeans Jared moved closer, arms by his sides and rubbed his nose down Jensen's neck. It was kind of an excuse to draw in that clean smell again, commit it to memory - it faded too quickly last time. Jared's plan was to make the most of everything this time.

A throaty laugh fell from Jensen, head tilting back, hand sliding around Jared's middle. "Hmm, I get less and less intellectual the more turned on I am," Jensen pointed out and closed his eyes, savoring the way his heart picked up speed and his breath felt more ragged.

"Wanna lie down? Maybe we could start there," Jared let the tip of his tongue slide along the shell of Jensen's ear and pushed gently against the man's chest. "You seemed to like me being on top, if I remember right." Jared's voice was getting lower, throat tightening a little. Jensen's cheeks were already flushed, his eyes dark because his pupils were so wide.

"Y-yeah, that was, yeah." Jensen nodded slowly, eyes fluttering now as pleasure coursed through him. The image of Jared riding him, that was certainly easy to conjure up but he wanted to _see_ it.

"Should get undressed first. Me, I mean. I'm still clothed right?" Jensen forced out a laugh, a little stunned with how lust blown he was already. It was slightly disconcerting, the way Jared could make him feel like this.

Tilting his head slightly, Jared slid his hand over the dark denim Jensen was wearing. "Can I do it? Is that okay?" Now that he was here, he wanted to make sure that Jensen enjoyed himself. Give him something to remember.

"Most definitely," Jensen nodded once more and grinned, hands coming up to Jared's hair, bringing him in so their lips could meet once more. It was a bit addicting, kissing Jared, he liked it a _lot_.

Jared set about getting Jensen's shirt off first, the buttons. The shirt was soft cotton, nice, and Jared liked the feel of it - maybe he would try it on later if Jensen fell asleep. Smiling into the mouth still moving against his, Jared moaned softly as the shirt front parted and he was able to run his hands over Jensen's chest. There was nothing _too_ soft about Jensen as far as Jared was concerned. Skin silky and smooth over muscles, just the right build for his height. Just the right height. Squeezing his eyes shut for a few moments Jared pressed his mouth harder over Jensen's, tongue slipping forward to tease the man's lips further apart.

Jared could feel the puff of air from Jensen's gasp when he tugged at the button on his jeans. "You're wearing jeans," Jared mumbled. He liked the way Jensen was dressed the time, a little more casual and _really_ damn hot -but then Jared figured the guy didn't have to do much to look appealing. Dragging the zipper down carefully he slid his hands inside the V of dark denim and pressed his palm against Jensen's cock. _Hard_ , full, waiting.

"Mmhmm," Jensen murmured, not really able to think much now that Jared's hand was pressing into him, sending heat rippling through his body. "God I want you," Jensen gasped and half stepped backward, knowing the bed was there somewhere and just wanting to be flat on it. He felt the whoosh of fabric as his jeans and boxers fell to the ground and he kicked out of them, arms wrapping around Jared and bringing him back until his legs hit the bed. A final press of lips and he dropped down, crawling across the mattress on his elbows, blinking up at Jared. "You should come here," he grinned at the man, eyes scanning along his body hungrily.

Admiring Jensen's body for a few moments, Jared felt that strange sensation again - the feeling that this could have been something. But - that would mean another place, another time, another person. Sinking down onto the bed, Jared crawled up over Jensen's body. His lips glanced off Jensen's knee, tongue rasped along his thigh - then he blew softly along the length of the man's rigid flesh. _Sexy._

Hovering over Jensen's hips for a few moments, Jared finally lowered himself down. Straddling Jensen's body felt good, his cock was so full, hot and thick and Jared could feel every inch of it under him. Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth for a few moments he closed his eyes and let himself drift away to that world of wishes where Jensen could be his. _Really_ his; not just his for a few hours. It was how he kept sane. How he did what he needed to.

"God." Jensen moaned softly into the kiss, hips rolling up to meet the warm flesh of Jared. His hands touched along every inch of Jared that he could and this was so much better than last time where there were clothes separating them. Part of him just wanted to fuck Jared right _now_ but the part that won out wanted to savor this, skin on skin, touching every inch. He pushed up against Jared's mouth, snaking his tongue forward, swirling around the taste and learning the man all over again.

There could be a thousand nights of this and Jensen wouldn't get tired of it. His hands squeezed at Jared's ass then slid back up along his back, feeling the press of his hard cock and the relief that he could turn Jared on just as much. He _wanted_ that, on top of everything else. "I want you," he repeated, almost a reassuring statement for himself.

Rolling his hips slightly, Jared let all of his weight sink down on to Jensen's chest, hips. It was nice, being held and touched like that and Jared's lashes fell to his cheeks again as he lost himself in the smooth movements of Jensen's hands all over his body. "I'm all yours," he whispered sucking on the skin tucked just under Jensen's jaw. He felt the man's cock twitch in response and circled his hips once, his own shaft trapped between the flesh of their bodies. It was pretty hot, more than likely because Jensen was feeling so many things for the first time - that _needy_ sort of barely in control feeling radiating off of him.

That triggered something in Jensen, the soft _I'm all yours_ and he reached out blinded, thanking god he was close enough to hit the nightstand and grab the bottle of lube and condoms there. He dropped them on the mattress beside him before fumbling with the bottle, flicking the cap open and smearing liquid across his fingers. He had no idea if Jared even _needed_ this kind of prepping but he wanted to do it, wanted to _feel_ it.

Jensen's eyes sought out Jared's ensuring he was doing okay, that this was okay, before he stretched his arm down. One finger slid in without a problem so Jensen added a second, gasping at the tight heat around him, imagining it around his cock and moaning low in his throat.

Jared gasped, a little surprised at how quickly things changed. Not that he didn't like it… he knew that it would be good. Shifting slightly he pressed back, sinking Jensen's fingers deeper then squeezing his muscles tight so Jensen's could feel it. "Mmmm I like that," he murmured. Pushing up with his arms, Jared raised himself up a little so he could stare down at Jensen's face. "S'good," he whispered and crushed his mouth against Jensen's.

Kissing Jensen was like drowning a little, his lips were so full and soft - the kind of mouth that made Jared feel he'd been good and thoroughly kissed. He liked it. He kept thinking that. He _liked_ Jensen. Shaking his head a little he pulled away long enough to gasp when Jensen slid another finger deep inside him. Jared caught his bottom lip with his teeth and rocked back onto the man's fingers. "God, please, Jensen - want you to fuck me. It's gonna feel so good."

Another sharp thrill, Jared _wanting_ this and Jensen physically shuddered as it coursed through him. "God, Jared," he gasped softly and pulled his fingers free, fumbling out for the condom once more. His lips brushed against Jared's once, twice, before he brought the condom package up to his mouth and tore off the end with his teeth. It was less than graceful to spit it out at the side but _whatever_. He wanted Jared too much to care about class right then and there.

Pushing down between them Jensen worked with the space provided as Jared lifted back slightly and rolled the condom down over his hard shaft. He gasped at the slight constricting pressure. He grabbed the bottle of lube once more and slicked himself before dropping it back to the side and wiping his hands on the blanket. "Do it, want you to slide down on me," Jensen murmured, capturing Jared's lips once more.

A crooked smile made its way onto Jared's lips. "Yeah, I _really_ do." Hand snaking down between their bodies, Jared curled long fingers around the base of Jensen's cock. Nice and thick, heavy in his hand - Jared was going to feel it tomorrow. That was okay - he'd been feeling it other places too.

Sucking in a breath, he positioned the man's shaft and rubbed the head against his hole - feeling the slickness of the lube. A spark of excitement jolted through Jared. Jensen's first time - surely, _that_ would be something he would remember.

He let his tongue slip back into the heat of Jensen's mouth as he lowered his ass down, taking the head inside him. Squeezing his muscles he felt the thickness, the pressure and moaned into the man's mouth.

Restless, wanting more, Jared's hands ghosted up Jensen's sides again to curl over his shoulders where his nails dug in. Moaning long, low, gritty - Jared lowered himself the rest of the way. He breathed slowly, letting the burn flare and dissipate. "S'good. Fuck... move. If you want." Collapsing forward a little Jared mouthed his way down Jensen's neck, sucking on his chest, licking, muscles clenching tight around the man's cock.

The heat and pressure was so much different from being with a girl. Jensen felt like he could feel the entirety of it all consuming him, radiating up his spine. Jensen wanted to feel this forever and thought about just staying here, hiding out from the world, keeping Jared as his alone. It wouldn't work that way though. Jensen pushed the thoughts to the side in favor of thrusting his hips up, groaning at the slide and feel, the clench of muscles, the brush of Jared's lips.

As their kiss deepened Jensen worked his hips up into Jared, savoring each of the man's moans and shakes. There was no faking this, Jensen was sure of it, they were both caught in this moment and it was so fucking hot Jensen could hardly stand it. His hips kept snapping up but it didn't feel like enough, driving into Jared, wanting more and more constantly.

"Jared," he gasped, head digging back into the pillow, heels hooking into the mattress to push his body up further.

Jared was torn in so many directions. He wanted to watch the expressions on Jensen's face, the surprise that kept appearing and then fading into pleasure. He wanted to ride his cock and feel the sensation of being full, the slightest burn each time he sank his body down.

Sweat beaded on his forehead and he could feel a single drop slithering down his temple. Everything felt a hundred times more _real_ and Jared suddenly realized that the moaning and panting he could hear was all his own.

Panting heavily, Jensen's hips worked up into Jared's body, thrusting in, heart thundering hard in his chest as their speed increased.

"Jared," he moaned, low in his throat, another gasped word of pleasure. Hands sliding up from Jared's hips, along his skin, up around his head and framing the hair, Jensen brought Jared in so their lips could rock together.

He could feel Jared's shifting against him, could feel the slip and slide of skin, radiating heat soaking through him and Jensen felt a little out of control. His lips parted, just barely resting against Jared's, sharing quick inhales and exhales. "So, so good." Jensen gasped, tongue brushing Jared's lips.

"Feels-" Jared sucked in a breath, warnings flaring inside him. _Don't feel, don't care._ Shifting back, he focused on matching the thrust of the hips below him, closing his eyes so he couldn't see the lust and want flaring in those vivid green eyes. Heart pounding, Jared threw his body back up, arching his spine and grabbing onto Jensen's thighs. _Too much_. That spark was back, the _want_ for more than physical and Jared growled softly, shoving it back. "Jensen," he murmured, body writhing and jolting as the hard cock slammed into him time and again.

It had never happened to him like that before, but hearing Jared say his name, watching him rock his body, move down onto him like it was the best thing in the world, all added together and drove Jensen more than a little insane. He could feel his orgasm right there on the edge and wanted Jared to come with him, wanted the man to feel just as good. Reaching down he wrapped his fingers around Jared's cock, stroking him in time with the way his body moved down and Jensen's hips thrust up.

"Fuck, Jared," he groaned when the muscles clenched around him, eyes forcing open once more to watch Jared's body curve as he rocked down into him. Jensen's thumb slid along the slit of Jared's cock, smearing pre-come, twisting and squeezing, knowing he'd hit the moment Jared lost control.

"Oh-" _Oh God_. Jared's body lurched into Jensen's touch. _No_. "Yes, God..." Jared's hips snapped forward, body alive with sparks of lust and fire and- "Can't-" His body lurched and he fell forward onto his hands, barely managing to hold himself up off Jensen. Back arching, Jared bit down hard on his bottom lip to muffle his cry as he came. It was like his entire body was on fire - each thrust, each movement. His eyes sprung open and Jared let his head fall down so he could see Jensen's face. It was a few moments. He saw the man's flushed cheeks, lips wet and glistening and his eyes... and he came.

Jared's body lurched and twitched as his release splashed over Jensen's hand and across his chest. His muscles pulsed, tightening around the man's cock and as if that all weren't enough to kill him in the most amazing way - he felt Jensen's cock begin to pulse.

Jensen's body nearly shook with the force of his orgasm and he experienced that weightless little moment where nothing could ever possibly be as good as this _here_. Jared's muscles were vice tight around him and Jensen could feel the heat of his own release captured in the condom. He slumped back on the bed, pulling his hand free from between them, not even hesitating as he licked the digits clean.

Jared's weight was heavy and oddly soothing on his chest and Jensen wrapped his arm around the man, keeping him there. "Damn," he murmured, eyes fluttering slowly open and closed. He just kind of wanted to stay here, and not admit to himself that he enjoyed it so very much.

"MMhhmm." Jared nuzzled into Jensen's neck, just a few moments of warmth and pleasure wasn't going to kill him. Sucking gently on the skin, lapping at the sheen of sweat Jared felt his breathing slow slightly. _God_. Part of him kept questioning what he thought he was doing - another part of him resolutely ignoring it. "Sorry... couldn't help coming," he murmured.

In the first place, most guys didn't care whether or not Jared even _had_ an orgasm, all this was a little unfamiliar. New territory. He wasn't sure how long he laid there, nose buried in the scent of the stranger - heart settling back into its normal rhythm as hands moved soothingly on his back. "I should clean up," he murmured. Pushing up off Jensen's body he moved to the edge of the bed and stood, swaying he stumbled forward a step and laughing softly. "Ya broke me," he teased.

Jensen watched the man, too blown from his orgasm to really say anything at all. He liked the flush on his skin, the color of warmth, the way Jared smiled and flipped his hair without even realizing. He wanted to tell him that it wouldn't have been nearly as enjoyable if Jared hadn't come but he didn't, kept it to himself instead. He shifted back on the bed and stretched his muscles, enjoying how he felt loose and languid.

When Jared was sure he wouldn't fall over he headed for the bathroom and ran a cloth under hot water for a few moments, wiped his body clean and then rinsed the cloth. The mirror was old, cracked down one side and Jared moved to the side a little, watching as his reflection split in two. There was a smile on his face and it faded as soon as he saw it reflected back at him. With a gentle shake of his head he wrung out the cloth and headed back to the bed.

"Did you miss me?" He pushed his sweat damp hair off his face with his forearm and dropped the cloth to Jensen's body, wiping in small circles.

"Mmhmm, the moment you left," Jensen managed to murmur softly, smiling slightly at the way Jared was so careful about cleaning him off. His mind spun with the idea of having Jared in all these ways and it was a little unsettling so he pushed the thoughts away.

"Tell me something else that's on your list," Jensen asked quietly, lifting a hand to slide through Jared's hair, liking the way it was slightly damp.

"What?" Jared laughed and smoothed the cloth over Jensen's body for a fair few more sweeps than were needed. Tossing the cloth on the floor he lay down again, keeping his distance in case Jensen wanted his space. "Let me see, what's a good one? Oh... I've never had a pet of my own. I guess it's more of a never-list than a to-do list. I dunno." Jared shrugged.

"Well, if it's things you've never done or had, then it can function as a to-do list too." Jensen smiled brighter and looped his arm around Jared, bringing him in close. He had meant it before, about wanting to spend the entire night with Jared and this was included in that. Post sex cuddle or something that sounded a lot more manly.

"What kind of pet would you want? A turtle? A dog? A lemur? I could see you with a lemur." He grinned, turning the action down into Jared's hair, breathing in his scent and cataloging, the night air, sweat and musk, something cleaner and sharper.

"Dogs, I like dogs. I never get past one on the street without asking if I can pet it. Lots of people don't let me, but you know. I guess that makes sense." Pressing up against Jensen's side, Jared tried hard not to notice how well he fit there. "If I talk too much will you tell me? Chad says I babble." Smiling, Jared tilted his head back so he could watching Jensen's face.

"I kind of want you to talk a lot," Jensen pointed out and grinned, hand stroking down to his back. "I'm not like this. I mean, not the whole, being here thing, we've established that. Just, with my friends and family, they all think I'm really reserved, quiet, kept to myself. I'm an accountant, that doesn't really scream party animal." Jensen snorted and shook his head. "Guess maybe I just need to relax around them a little, show them how uh, cool I can be."

Jared laughed and scooted closer. "So, inside there's a crazy Jensen scratching to get out and take over the world?" Leaning up he kissed the man's jaw then pulled away quickly when he realized what he'd done. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Don't. Apologize I mean. I want you to do that." Jensen turned to him, brushing their noses together. "I think there's lots of Jensen's inside scratching to get out. God, did that just make me sound schizo or something?" He chuckled and slid his lip slowly across Jared's, eyes fluttering closed for the moment. "Do you think I act uptight? Chris says I am."

Pressing his lips together to hide his smile Jared's eyebrows went up a little. "I don't really know you but you seem a little ... tense about things." The grin broke out on his face and he leaned up on his elbow to look down at Jensen. "You seem better now." His hand smoothed over Jensen's chest, up to his shoulder. "I liked the black jeans... although most guys I'm with don't show up with a bag."

Huffing slightly, Jensen shook his head, trying not grin or blush. "I like clean skin. It's a thing. It's nothing weird I just find a certain sense of, peace or whatever. By cleaning my skin. _And_ there's nothing worse than wearing clothes to bed. I mean, well, I guess we'll likely sleep naked. But-" Jensen cut off and looked over at Jared's smile, snorting and pushing at his shoulder. "Shut up, you’re teasing me. I may be a little anal retentive, that's not a crime. You have... floppy hair. So there."

Jared's laughter was bright, and surprised him a little. "Floppy hair?" He slid his leg over both of Jensen's and reached down to tug the bedclothes up over them. "Didn't hear you complaining about my hair when your hands were in it." Snuggling in against Jensen's side Jared hesitated a moment then slid his arm over the man's chest so he could curl his fingers over his neck. Couldn't hurt to be comfortable. Couldn't hurt to be _held_.

"Well I wasn't back then, whatever." Jensen knew his argument wasn't going to fly, he didn't really care. And he was already touching Jared's hair again, so then, Jared's point was proved. "I may be a little up tight. Just a little. Am not feeling uptight now though." Jensen huffed and yawned loudly, teeth digging down into his lip. "What kind of dog?"

"Something big that I can hug and wrestle. Something that will protect me, you know, on the stree-" Jared gasped like he'd been jolted into a different world. Because he had. This wasn't his reality; it was a twisted fantasy he'd been letting himself play into. Question and answer time with a _date_. Only Jensen wasn’t a date he was a john. Melting down into the bed, Jared felt the weight of everything pressing him back down again, making sure he didn't forget who he was. _What_ he was. "Tell me about you," he murmured as he closed his eyes.

"Not much to say." Jensen said softly, glancing down at Jared to see if he could determine what had caught Jared's words the way it did. "I'm thirty, you knew that. Accountant, you knew that too. I live alone, in a two bedroom apartment uptown. Hm, I have a sister and a brother, handful of friends. I like to read, I'm occasionally obsessively clean, my favorite color is blue and my favorite movie is _Seven_." Jensen blinked and looked down at Jared. "Wow. Don't I sound stimulating?"

"Okay, well - like _Seven_ is kind of out there. That's intriguing." Jared's smiled returned slightly. "And how did you end up out on the street looking for me, well, a guy. What about clubs or online dating things or whatever?" Having no computer Jared only had the vaguest idea of how those things worked but Jensen didn't seem like the kind of man who would have trouble finding a date.

Half shrugging, Jensen ran his hand down Jared's back, enjoying the skin sliding under his fingers. "It's probably stupid. But I just thought, here I was, thinking I liked guys but having no experience in it whatsoever you know? What if I chose a guy who was into something _really_ beyond me and I got in over my head? I figured, this way, I at least knew that I'd have some control over the situation. That's probably lame huh?" Jensen thought about asking Jared why he was here, doing this, but knew better than that.

"It's not lame. You like to be in control of things? I'm not so much like that, well, I guess I might be if things were different. I kind of have to just deal with things as they come up." Jared shrugged and smiled weakly, "so to speak. So, you think this has helped- you know more what you want now? Maybe you'll go find yourself a nice guy and settle down?" Why he had to ask that was beyond him. Maybe it was his brain's way of punishing him for getting too caught up in this guy to begin with.

Scrunching his face up slightly, Jensen sighed. "I don't know. I probably still have a lot of steps to cover. And I've never really been able to make things work long term with a girl. Not sure how it would be any different with a guy. Weirdly enough, I think I might be a bit complicated, or a bit too much sometimes. I take things too seriously; I probably don't have enough fun in life. It wears on relationship I suppose." Jensen looked over at Jared once more, considering him. "Can I ask about you? Or is that something you'd rather not talk about?" He didn't want to upset Jared, he liked the way things were going with them, the easiness, and he could still remember how quickly it had spiraled out of control last time.

Closing his eyes tight, Jared nestled into Jensen's neck. "What do you want to know?" It was quiet. It was wrong. He shouldn't put himself out there - there were only two responses he would get; quiet curiosity or pity. There never seemed to be anything in between.

"Well, just about anything. But I respect your right for privacy. So, whatever you want to say? Do you have family? Friends?" Jensen had never had to give too much thought to his natural speech but he wanted to phrase things in a certain way, just in case the questions hit Jared wrong.

"I have Chad. He's like me, well, you know. He's helped me a lot, taught me a lot about, like, taking care of myself. We try and stay together when we can but sometimes I can't find him. Things are... a bit different for him than me, s'got some other stuff going on. And. Family, no. I lived with my Uncle for a while when I was little then things got all messed up." He shrugged. That was his life in point form, kind of depressing when he thought about it.

"Oh. Chad huh?" Jensen half smiled and felt oddly just a little relieved that Jared at least had _someone_ even if he couldn't possibly fathom what other things Chad had going on. "So is this, a means to an end or something? I mean, you saving money or something? Do you... want to go to school? Or have some big dreams for taking over the world? You and your floppy hair, I could see it happening." He didn't want Jared to see the sadness in his eyes, so he looked up at the ceiling. No one should be without someone, it wasn't fair.

"Nothing quite that big. It's hard to save money when. Well, it costs a lot to get places to stay and food. But I do okay. Me and my floppy hair will be alright." Actually Jared tried not to think about it. There was enough money for him to slip into shelters when the weather got really bad, he generally didn't go without food - there were lots of places he could get a meal for free although he knew he was a bit underweight. Things could be worse. They could be _far_ worse but so far Jared had managed to avoid a lot of the pitfalls and keep his head above water. "You got a nice place I bet."

"It's, yeah. It's pretty nice. Good view." Jensen would like to show Jared his place, more than he maybe even realized but he wasn't sure how to go about saying that. "Do people ever bring you to their homes? Or do you prefer not to because getting back to... you. You don't really have a home?" It hadn't registered before but it hit Jensen now like a punch in the gut. The idea that Jared might now be sure where he was staying each night. _God_. Jensen couldn't even imagine that life.

"Sometimes, it's not as safe though - like if a guy is gonna-" Jared closed his mouth, Jensen _really_ didn't need to hear about what _could_ happen. "Chad says you go to a hotel room or street." His cheeks colored. He had no idea why. He knew what he did, Jensen knew what he did but he'd never found himself _not_ wanting to say it before.

"You have... on the street before? Really?" Jensen scrunched his face up and slowly shook his head. He didn't add anymore thought to it though, not wanting to sound as judgmental as he knew he would. "Do you think, you'd ever go to someone's place? What if someone wanted to take you somewhere else? Like, you know, an escort or something? Would you do that?" It wasn't like he was planning on taking Jared to a company party but, maybe he could take him to dinner. That would probably not go over well, if he asked. Jensen was getting the hunch that he was in over his head, or starting to be.

Jared pulled back a little. "People don't want to take me places Jensen, this isn't a date - I'm..." Jared rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not sick or anything if that's what you're worried about. Take care of myself. Chad told me lots of tricks. And I've never had sex without a condom - never will. I'm not stupid. People aren't paying to be my friend they're paying for my mouth or my ass. That's what it comes down to - so they don't care if it's in a dark alley or the front seat of a Mercedes." It came out much harsher than he meant it to but that really was what he faced.

Withdrawing his hand from around Jared, Jensen sighed softly and shook his head. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to suggest anything. I, you know, it's not my place. It's your life and it would be really shit of me to place judgment on you because of that. I think we both know it's just, not something I could ever understand." He laid his hand on his chest and closed his eyes, trying not to feel so _bad_ for the man at his side. "I'm probably more frustrating than your usuals huh? At least then you don't have to deal with annoying questions from ignorant accountants and talking and all."

"I don't have a lot of _usuals_. But you're the nicest guy I've been with... so far. You talk to me like I'm a person." Jared smiled and turned his head, hair falling down over his eyes. "Can we talk about fun stuff? Don't want you to pay me for a miserable night 'cause you won't come back. Let's pretend," _There he went with the stupid again_ , "let's pretend we're friends or something. Just hanging out."

Jensen chuckled softly and nodded, not adding that he didn't often have the hottest sex of his life with just friends. "Okay so what are you passionate about? A couple of my friends like music a lot. Dani's really into fashion but that's not me. I like books. And movies. I don't think I'm really passionate about something in particular." He laughed louder and shook his head, trying not to think about how _boring_ that made him sound.

Jared rolled back on to his side and rested his hand on Jensen's chest. "I like music and books. _Love_ writing. One day I'm gonna write about my life and make millions of dollars. Being outside is awesome, even when it's cold I want a window open so I can smell the air. Always sleep better like that. Crazy huh?" He smiled and brushed his thumb across the man's chest. It was smooth, warm and Jared could get used to it.

"Nah, not crazy, just quirky," Jensen smiled and pulled Jared into his side, nose burying in his hair once more. "I have quirks. It makes us more interesting." Sighing softly, Jensen pressed his lips into Jared's scalp and grinned. "I like the way you smell, but I can't name it." He could feel himself winding down, holding on because he didn't really want this night to end.

"I smell like fresh air, you smell like clean things... like spring." Jared smiled and pulled the blanket up over his shoulder. "Can I ... move closer?"

"Yeah, as close as you want," Jensen shifted toward him just to prove his point, sleepily smiling. "Jensen the accountant with long eyelashes who smells like spring?" Jensen had never given the smell of spring much thought, but he supposed it was a good enough thing to smell like.

"You remembered." Jared rolled over basically _on_ to Jensen, nose bumping against his ear. It was warm and peaceful, a little like having a home. Not that Jared knew what that felt like but still - he could imagine. "Thank you," he murmured, eyes already closed. Normally, he wouldn't fall asleep with someone he didn't know but he just knew Jensen wouldn't hurt him.

"You're welcome," Jensen replied automatically, a bit too tired to even consider what Jared was thanking him for. He figured it must be good, whatever it was. "Night Jared," he murmured, sighing softly with an exhale.

Jared tugged Jensen's arm over him, tightening the circle of his arms and smiled sleepily when Jensen held him closer. _Safe_ for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

Jensen dreamed about Jared. Which was likely why he had no problems remembering who the heat against his side belonged to. His fingers felt odd and a few careful squeezes told him it was because Jared's hand was curled with his. A slow smile curled his lips up before he even opened his eyes. Jensen thought maybe he shouldn't consider how easy it was to accept Jared sleeping in his arms, how natural and warm it all was. The fact remained however and eventually Jensen couldn't help caving to the want to see how peaceful Jared was likely to be while sleeping.

Blinking his eyes open, Jensen stared down at sleep tousled golden brown hair, already warm in the dim light of the room. There was none of the lingering sadness in Jared's expression, no worries or concerns, none of the slight harshness that Jared seemed to be picking up from his life on the streets. Jensen swallowed thickly. His eyes traveled down the length of Jared's chest that he could see, down to where their hands were clasped at Jared's side.

In his other hand there was a notebook, held open by his thumb between the pages. It was the one Jensen had seen before, black hard cover, pocket sized. Jensen looked back up into Jared's sleep-lax features and back down. Curiosity won out and he shifted until he could grasp the book and turn it toward him, scanning the page slowly, mind still forcing its way through lingering sleep.

 _go to a concert_

 _fall asleep feeling safe_

 _buy a dress shirt_

 _have popcorn and see a movie_

Jensen closed the book before he could read more. He'd known it was a list, things Jared had never done and maybe a to-do list but... it was something more. Jensen's heart clenched tightly in his chest. Jared was just a _kid_. Jensen knew this, had from the beginning really, but this brought it all home. He was a kid who hadn't lived a normal life, but wanted normal things. And fall asleep feeling safe, that was, Jensen did that. It had to be. Just like that Jensen kind of wanted to do _all_ the things on Jared's list but it was never that easy.

Setting the book carefully on the mattress behind Jared, Jensen sighed and scratched along his chin. His skin was dry, he'd never got around to using his moisturizer the night before, and his eyes felt dry from the contacts still in place. Jensen was in some motel, downtown, with this prostitute that he kind of wanted to take out to breakfast. When had this become his life? Wasn't he, just last month, celebrating his thirtieth birthday with a quiet family dinner in a normal place where everything was so simple.

He must have been lost in thought for awhile because when he blinked his eyes hurt even more and, looking down, he found himself staring into Jared's hazel eyes. "Mornin'," Jensen breathed, pulling Jared in a little tighter though he hadn't thought that was possible.

"Was watching you think," Jared murmured. "G'morning." The smile on his face was warm, "what's going on in that head?" He let his thumb run back and forth over Jensen's hand.

"Mm, just thoughts," Jensen wet his lips slowly and stretched, loving how Jared's body stayed against him the entire time. "Just, last month, my life was relatively normal. Only I was denying this whole part of me. Now I can't decide if I'm glad I waited so long to finally act on things or I'm... happy about it because it means I met-" Jensen cut himself off, glancing at Jared. Yeah, he couldn't really say he was having feelings for the kid, it was probably the last thing Jared needed in his already complicated life. "I have no idea why my brain is so high functioning before coffee. It's not fair."

"You want to go and get some coffee before you go?" Jared didn't want to get up; he wanted to stay in the bed until eleven when he knew the manager would come banging on the door. It was warm and comfortable and safe and Jensen was sweet. "I mean - well, that's probably a dumb idea." Closing his eyes Jared sighed and pressed his lips to Jensen's neck.

"Only because it involves getting up," Jensen laughed softly and tilted his head, enjoying the feel of Jared's lips on his skin. Of course. "Do you... take days off? Or nights off I suppose. You know, time to just hang out and do your own thing or whatever?" Jensen's hand found its way to Jared's hair, stroking softly.

"Don't really have anything to do with my time." Mouth finding Jensen's earlobe, Jared sucked on it gently then nipped it just enough to get a reaction. "If someone has a room I sleep here until it's time to get kicked out then I go find some food or something." He mouthed his way down Jensen's neck; it was stubble-rough and sleep-warm.

"Well, what if, you wanted to go do something? Like, not, work related? Would you take a night off?" Jensen mumbled the words, distracted by the lips on his skin, gasping softly when Jared's tongue slid once across and away. "What if I wanted to do something with you?"

Jared stiffened slightly, tilting his head up so he could see Jensen's face. "What do you mean?"

Looking down at Jared, Jensen tightened his arm to keep him from moving away. "Well, what if I wanted to hang out? Just that. Like friends do. We could go see a movie or go on a drive. I've heard friends hang out." If there was more to it than that Jensen wasn't saying. He did want to spend time with the guy without paying him, Jared's choice alone.

"But we're not friends, Jensen. I'm a prostitute." Jared's voice was a bit dull. It wasn't like he didn't want to play out the fantasy a little more, live it maybe for a while. Chad had warned him off stuff like this though. "It's normal - the way you feel - like you want to fix things right? Chad says that's 'cause I'm young and people will think that. But I'm okay." He was babbling - trying to throw out excuses that would make _him_ feel better.

"No. I don't want to _fix_ you. If I wanted to fix you don't you think I'd be saying like, oh I have a second room, let me sweep you off your feet all Julia Roberts style and buy you fancy things and take you to starlit dinners?" Jensen frowned and shook his head, releasing his grip on Jared.

"Are you not allowed to have friends? You can't just hang out with someone who's not a prostitute?" It had never seemed like _fixing_ in his mind, just, if Jensen had found out Chris or Steve or even Danneel had a list like Jared did, he'd want to help them with it, that was just the kind of person he was.

Jared's hand still felt warm from where Jensen's had been. Rolling away slowly he sat up. "I don't want to-" he cleared his throat. He didn't want to go with him - do anything like that because it wouldn't happen again. It would be one of those things that Jensen did - until he started dating a guy he found in some stupid Starbucks somewhere - a guy like him with a home and money and nice things.

"I don't want to." There was no point in trying to explain that Jared would set himself up to get a broken-heart - coming from a guy who sucked cock for money that would be a little unbelievable.

"Fine." Jensen said quietly, pretending like it didn't sting like fist around his heart to hear that Jared had no interest in that. "Sorry for asking." He pushed up and slid to the opposite side of the bed, standing slowly. It was probably only a matter of time until this happened anyway.

"How much do I owe you?" Jensen had been so _stupid_ even giving in to the idea that this was more anyway, it kind of made him wonder if Jared was so good at his job that the entire night had been an act. Frowning, Jensen snatched his bag, pulling it up to sort through for his glasses case.

It was a bit too late for Jared to do things that were going to prevent him from being hurt. _Far_ too late. "Don't worry 'bout it. I got to stay in the room." Swallowing the hurt that was slithering up his throat and threatening to choke him Jared dropped his feet to the floor and bent down to pick up his shirt.

"No. Jared. You're a prostitute, we weren't hanging out or anything because we're not _friends_. So. Seventy five I believe you said before?" He tilted his head up and squeezed solution in his eyes, using the extra liquid to get his contacts out, throwing them in the can by the night stand and slipping on his glasses. All these familiar little actions to distract himself from the way this hurt more than he was anticipating. He pulled clean clothes out of the bag, stepping into the boxers and jeans, tugging the shirt on over his head. "Seventy five," he repeated and grabbed his wallet from the table, pulling out the money, bending over to lay it on the table.

Jared moved quickly, yanking his jeans up over his slender hips, t-shirt down over his head. The notebook he remembered at the last minute and searched through the rumpled sheets until he found it. Skirting around Jensen, careful not to touch him he went over to the table and looked at the money. "Thank you," he murmured, snatched his coat off the chair and bolted through the door. He ran because running seemed like it might help stop him feeling like he was going to be sick or worse... cry.

Of course Jensen felt like an ass the moment he'd said the words, standing in the wake of the open door. He didn't understand but how could he? It didn't make sense to him why he couldn't just hang out with Jared, why it had to be seen to the man like he was trying to step into his life and do who knows what. And now he was wondering if he'd ever even see him again. Their second get together and the second time Jensen chased Jared out of the room; maybe it was really Jensen who had the problems.

Sighing softly he took the money once more, stuffing it in his wallet. He slipped the wallet into his pocket and bent to get his shoes on. "Stupid, fucking," Jensen huffed and shook his head, roughly, shaking off the anger, the heart ache, the stupidity. When he finally left the room he didn't even look around for Jared. He wouldn't be there anyway.

-=-=-=-

Back at work, back in his normal life with friends and family, where Jensen knew all the steps and rules, knew how to act and who to be. Only with each passing day he could still feel warm lips, see a dimpled smile, and every whiff of night air reminded him of Jared. It was thing after thing, and Jensen's smile felt fake.

It shouldn't be like this, Jensen shouldn't be caught up on a seventeen year old prostitute who saw him as little more than a john or whatever the hell they called people like him. Gross, pervy people who sat around late at night and got off to the thought of wide hands and silky lips, tight muscles and rocking skin.

For a while Jensen fooled himself into thinking he was just thinking about the whole gay thing. He liked guys, he wanted to do things with guys, he even went to a gay bar the weekend after the whole Jared thing but then it registered that it wasn't about the gay sex thing. It was definitely about Jared; Jensen couldn't get it out of his mind. Every guy was too short; his hair wasn't floppy enough, no dimples, eyes too dark.

It was driving Jensen crazy, no part of him could make this logical in his mind. It was breaking down his thought process and Jensen really had to do something about it because two weeks out from the night and the thoughts weren't letting up.

"Dani says you fucked a hooker," Chris said in typical Chris greeting as he dropped down onto the chair beside Jensen at the bar, sliding a beer his way.

This was a true sign as to how bad this thing was that Jensen wasn't even too shocked to hear Danneel had confessed his big, dark, pervy secret. "Gee, put it like that Chris, and a little louder too, make sure we really let those around us in on my illegal activities."

"Oh shit, it's true?" Chris _did_ look surprised at this and his beer sloshed along the sides as he set his glass back down on the bar without taking a drink. "Man Jenny, I totally thought she was lying. That's fucked up."

"I should keep a tally of how many times you insult me in a night and make you pay me for each." Jensen sighed and tugged on his tie. He wasn't the type to drink on a work night but he couldn't go home and sit around again, that was too pathetic even for him. "And don't call me Jenny. Especially not if we're having this conversation."

"Was he really seventeen?" Chris leaned close and slowly grinned as if this was the most amusing thing he'd ever heard. Jensen figured it probably was since Jensen was usually the straight and narrow of the group. Chris was more likely to be the one fucking prostitutes.

Then it registered the whole _he_ mentioned in the sentence and how Chris glossed over it like it was no big deal at all. "Yeah. Is this what you're going to freak about?" The lingering _not that I'm maybe a little gay_ added to the question without being spoken.

"The gay thing? Dude, I've been in your house, you _moisturize_. If you didn't think Steve and I didn't see that coming, then you're completely fucked in the head. Which is really up for debate because, seriously? A seventeen year old prostitute? Who the hell does that?"

"Shut up, you don't know Jared, it's not-" Jensen cut himself and frowned because Chris was giving him this _look_ which likely had to do with how fast Jensen had jumped on the defensive train. And, it wasn't like that. Wasn't anywhere close. Didn't stop him from feeling it though. "I just needed to be... I just needed the security. Jared was very clean and, you know, nothing like whatever you're imagining so just, stop."

"Ah, fuck Jen, you're totally into his kid." Chris sighed, long and bitter and shook his head. "What the hell are you doing?"

" _Nothing_. I'm doing nothing. I picked him up once and we fooled around. I picked him up a second time and we had sex. And that's it." Jensen shrugged, draining half his beer because he could use the alcohol boost.

"But you want to go back for more?" With a slight smirk, Chris settled back in his seat, giving Jensen a look that dared him to say otherwise. "Is this what you've been bitchy about the last month?"

"I haven't been _bitchy._ Don't you know that's just how I act with you now? It's my Chris default mode." Jensen eyed him and shook his head. "If I go back or not, that's really none of your business is it?"

Chris leaned toward him, arms settling on the bar top. "Look, you know I'm not the type of guy who goes around giving out advice, I'm shit at all that. But I'm going to tell you this and _god_ you better keep it in mind because I know you Jen. And no matter what act you play, or what BS you spout out, deep down you've got this part of you that's lookin' for Mrs. or Mr. Right, whatever. You want someone to date, someone to come home to, someone to spend your life with and I _know_ it. But you're not going to have that with some seventeen year old prostitute and you've been a complete blank slate the last few weeks which tells me you've already got feelings for this kid. So, seriously, just, knock it off or something Jensen because I don't want to see you get hurt."

It was kind of a lot coming from Chris. Certainly more intuitive than his friend usually acted, and a fair bit sweeter really, knowing Chris had his best intentions in mind. "I can handle myself Chris." Jensen insisted, not completely sure but pretending to be.

"Trust me, I know who Jared is. I'm not fooling myself into thinking he's even going to want to be with me like that, if I were even looking for that, which I'm not. So, thanks for the concern but really, I'm okay."

"Bullshit," Chris huffed and lifted his beer, draining it all in one long go. "It's fine, you don't want to talk about it, I'm not complaining really 'cause you know I hate this shit but, just be careful okay?"

Jensen would have rolled his eyes if he hadn't been glimpsing a rare moment in time when Chris wasn't being a complete and total asshole. He smiled instead and nodded. "I will be."

-=-=-=-

Of course, a week later when Jensen was once more driving the streets looking for Jared, he wasn't so certain how careful he was being. Because it had been three weeks since his night with Jared, six weeks since they'd met the first time and Jared was all Jensen could think about. He wanted to hold him in his arms at night, wanted to feel his skin slide beneath him, and he looped the blocks and harbored the vague possibility that he was turning into some creepy stalker. At least he'd managed to stay away this long, even if he'd wanted to come back sooner. He hadn't allowed himself to.

Jensen was in a different car because his was getting standard maintenance work down and not at all because Jensen didn't want Jared to recognize his car and hide or something. He had no idea where things stood for them. It wasn't like Jared _had_ to say yes to Jensen, there was probably dozens of other people along this street that would be happy to help Jensen. Since the first time he'd never really bothered looking outside looking for Jared.

Really, Jensen just kind of wanted to apologize for being an ass. And yeah, he wanted a lot of other stuff but still. He'd be down with the chance to just say sorry.

When he finally spotted Jared, he wasn't alone. Jensen pulled to the side of the road, turning his head lights off and watching. This car was a lot less noticeable at least. The guy talking to Jared had to be late forties, early fifties maybe. His hair was a crazy mess and his stomach was visible beneath his too tight, too stained shirt. Jensen didn't even have to be out of the car to know that the man had to smell. But Jared, he was smiling, flipping his head back, touching the guy's arm as if convincing him that this was the right choice.

Jensen's chest squeezed tightly, stomach churning uncomfortably as the man led Jared down a nearby alley. It wasn't like he had any preconceived notions that this was some romantic lifestyle Jared was living in. There weren't Richard Geres pulling up in fancy cars each night - and Jensen really needed to stop making references to Pretty Woman in his mind when thinking about Jared and his _job_.

Climbing out of the car, Jensen slowly walked around and leaned against the passenger door, arms folding across his chest. It was too far away from the alley to hear the guy or anything and Jensen tried not to imagine what he was doing but it wasn't that hard. Maybe Jared was on his knees on the cold, damp street, maybe the guy's dirt stained fingers were curled into Jared's hair and holding on tight and Jensen's shoulders tensed with a wave of jealousy. _No_. He couldn't be like that. He couldn't think that.

So he'd just wait. And if Jared wanted to see him after then Jensen could pretend like it didn't happen, like there wasn't the guy before, like it was just him. Jensen stopped at that thought, frowning down at the ground. Maybe Chris was right.

-=-=-=-

The way Jared got through things - things like blowing some guy who was pretty nasty - was thinking of other things. Sometimes, he would think about a walk on the beach or the program that one of the youth workers had suggested. Other times, he would make up some story in his head, something to write down later. It didn't always work. When he was really distracted - or worried - he found it hard to escape. When his knees were grinding into the concrete, cutting through his jeans and there would probably be blood - it was hard. When some guy who was giving him fifty bucks actually jammed his thumb in his eye when he was trying to get hold of his hair so he could make Jared take more of his cock. Those times, it was hard to get away.

When it was over - the guy was barely there a minute before he was stuffing himself back in his jeans and heading down the alley. Jared sat back on his heels and spit out the come in his mouth, wiping furiously at his mouth with the back of his hand. Reaching down he rubbed at his knee and noticed that it was bleeding. Great. Another hole in another pair of jeans he didn't have. His eye was sore - and he was pretty sure it would be swollen later - if not black in the morning. Climbing up to his feet Jared straightened his clothes and headed back down the alley. Pulling out a mint he'd swiped from the reception desk he popped it in his mouth.

The sun was going down already. The nights were getting longer which definitely had good and bad points. Rounding the corner Jared stopped in his tracks. Jensen was leaning against a car - it wasn't his car. Looking down at the ground in front of him, Jared ran his hand through his hair. _Not right then, why at that moment?_ Rubbing at his sore eye he looked back up and saw that Jensen was shaking his head at one of the other boys. He was waiting for Jared. Taking a few deep breaths Jared wandered slowly over in the direction of the car. Stopping about five or six feet away from Jensen he smiled without looking at him - eyes fixed on some distant point down the street.

Jared's voice was soft when he finally spoke. "Hi Jensen."

Looking up, Jensen had to purse his lips to keep from gasping at Jared's appearance. He pushed up off the car, half stepping forward. "Hey," he said quietly, hands tucking into his pockets, curling around his keys. "How's it going?" Jensen's head tilted slightly to the side. He could see the dark patches on Jared's knees, the wrinkle of his clothes, his lips were still slightly flushed, Jensen swallowed.

Jared sighed and took half a step back. "Fine. You?" He couldn't look at Jensen. Not like this. Rubbing at his eye again he dropped his eyes to Jensen's shoes, sneakers, it made Jared smile slightly for some reason.

"Fine." Jensen pulled his hands free, folding his arms across his chest. He didn't really know what to do, or what to say, and like it seemed to be every time he was face to face with Jared he had no idea how to act. "Do you, um, are you," Jensen sighed, shrugging his shoulder. He knew that Jared knew, they were both well aware of what Jared had just been doing. "Are you busy?"

Jared's lip twitched and he bit down on it hard. His throat was tightening up again, aching and he took a step back. "I gotta- I can't. I can't see you right now." Blinking back tears he rubbed at his eyes again. "Hurt my ... eye." There was no way he was going anywhere near Jensen. All Jensen would smell was the other guy, Jared couldn't even kiss him without worrying what he tasted like or what Jensen thought of him.

"But," Jensen looked up quickly, heart skipping a beat in his chest. "It's, if it's, you know it's okay Jared, I don't- I just. We could just hang-" Jensen cut himself off, completely aware of how well the _let's hang out_ conversation went last time. Stepping back, his hands slid in his pockets once more. "I have money?" He nearly whispered the words, flinched and turned. Okay, he was really, just, not so good at this and feeling more and more stupid with every passing moment. "Sorry. Okay, I'll just, yeah." Jensen hesitated, looking over his shoulder. "Are you sure?"

Jared felt a tear leave the corner of his eye and stepped back again. "Why did you? Why did you have to come now?" He'd watched for Jensen, thought he'd seen him a few times, even passed up on some tricks because he thought the man might come by. Then he was suddenly there when Jared was down an alley on his knees. Wiping angrily at his face he turned and started to walk down the street. His knees were stinging and he was limping but fuck, what difference did it make? Chad was right. He usually was. Jared was an idiot.

Turning quickly, Jensen half jogged after Jared, reaching out to grab his arm. "Jared, please. You have to, I mean," he inhaled shakily and shook his head. "I know who you are. I'm not dumb. Just, we don't even have to do anything. Let me get you a motel room for the night; give you a place to clean up. A place to sleep. And I, I can just, I'll leave you alone or whatever. You just look like you could use a night." Jensen's fingers were still around Jared's wrist and when he looked to the side a couple of the guys down the street had inched closer, apparently ready to have Jared's back if he needed it. Jensen dropped his hand.

Looking over his shoulder Jared nodded at the guys standing there to let them know he was okay. They might not have much but they would look after each other when they could. Sniffing he finally turned his gaze to Jensen's. "I don't want you to touch me when I'm-" he couldn't finish and just gestured vaguely. Rubbing at his eye again he tried to wipe his tears with his jacket sleeve so Jensen wouldn't see but it was probably a wasted effort. This was just - kind of - the last thing he needed to see. Jensen was everything the other guy wasn't - and yet, he was exactly the same. They both had paid for what Jared could give them.

"I didn't take your money before," he whispered, like somehow Jensen might not have known that.

"I know." Jensen said quietly and stepped back, arms folding over his chest. He wasn't going to push Jared into anything, wasn't going to force him to come along. "I'm sorry, I, um. I'll let you go. Maybe, some other time or just, yeah." Jensen shrugged, taking another step back, rubbing along the back of his neck.

"Will you come back for me?" Jared's voice was barely above a whisper. He wasn't even sure if Jensen heard him. "Sometime?" When he looked up again he could barely see through the tears welling in his eyes.

Every part of Jensen wanted to step forward and pull the man close, hold him against his chest. Jensen had a feeling that wouldn't go over so well. "Yeah," he nodded slowly and took another step back, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, are you-" Jensen looked back up once more, hoping Jared would have changed his mind. Didn't look like it. "Okay. See you, um, yeah." He nodded and turned before Jared could see how surprisingly upset this whole thing was making him, heading for the car quickly.

"Bye," Jared whispered. Turning, he started off down the street. There was a youth drop in he could go to and clean up his knees and have someone look at his eye, it was better than standing there and watching Jensen drive away.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, Jensen curled his hands around the wheel and watched Jared walk away until he couldn't see him anymore. It was beyond painful, more than he realized. Someone tapped on his window and Jensen looked over and shook his head. It was rapidly becoming a thing, Jensen only wanting Jared. He should probably do something about that. Sighing softly, Jensen shook his head and slipped the car into drive, heading off into the darkness.

-=-=-=-

This time, Jensen only waited a week. But his thoughts about Jared were even worse than they had been before so, well, that was probably to blame. Jensen wasn't _going_ to go but Friday night he was laying in his bed at seven thirty and staring up at the ceiling, thinking about Jared's hair, Jared's skin, the tears in Jared's eyes the last time he saw him. Finally he gave up, kicked his blankets off and dressed in the most comfortable pair of jeans he had.

Half hour later he was on Jared's street and this time he didn't have to loop around to find him. Jared was there, sitting on a crate as usual, writing. It brought a small smile to Jensen's lips. Pulling over, he rolled down the passenger window and leaned over. "Hey," he called softly, watching Jared's body move.

Jared smiled and leaned on Jensen's window, propping his chin on his elbow. "Hi, you look good." Jensen looked awesome, like he should just be hanging out at home, relaxing or something. Seeing him again was a bit of a surprise. Jared wasn't sure that Jensen would come back after the last time they'd seen each other.

"Nah," Jensen waved a hand dismissively toward Jared and smiled. "You look good though. You wanna get in?" He rested his head against the seat slightly, tempted to extend his hand as an offering to Jared. He kept it in his lap though, just to seem less ridiculous. It was really good to see Jared. Really good. Jensen stared down and decided against giving it more thought then accepting it.

"'Kay." Jared pulled the door open and slid into the passenger seat. "Didn't think you'd come back," he said. There was a nervous smile on his face when he turned to look at Jensen. Lifting his hand slowly he reached up and brushed Jensen's hair back off his forehead. "You gonna take me to the motel?"

"I said I would." Jensen pointed out and smiled at him, reaching out to tuck hair behind Jared's ear. "Come back, I mean. I um," half smiling, Jensen shrugged and started off down the motel. He bypassed the motel, heading back onto the highway; probably driving too fast because he wanted to get away from the neighborhood before Jared could protest. "I thought we could get some coffee. I just, there's this place I know." Jensen snagged Jared's hand, threading their fingers together, squeezing in hopes Jared wouldn't pull away.

Jared looked over at Jensen, staring at his profile then looked down at their hands. "You don't have to pay me," he murmured. "I mean, if that's a problem. I'll do it anyway." And he would, because it felt good and he could pretend then that things were different, better, that Jensen was his.

"Do you not want to go get coffee?" Jensen half smiled at him, pursing his lips, looking back out the window. "I mean, not that I don't want that, 'cause I do. Just, I thought..." he shrugged and ran his thumb along the top of Jared's hand, like this was any normal date, like they were some happy little couple going to get some coffee before heading in for a night at home.

"Really?" Jared shifted on the seat a little so see Jensen more clearly. "I. Yeah, we could go for coffee if you want." Jared ducked his head down a little and smiled.

"Do _you_ want to get coffee?" Jensen asked quietly, settling back in his seat as they turned off the highway, onto familiar streets he drove every day. "Do you, not because I want to, but because you want too. Because if you don't, it's okay. We can do something else, or I can take you back, whatever." He shrugged slightly, thumb rubbing along Jared's skin once more.

"Yeah," Jared murmured, "I do want to." It went against everything he knew that he should do. His answer should be no, he should get Jensen to take him back to the street but he wasn't going to. Not this once.

"Okay, good." Jensen grinned out the windshield and settled back into the seat, looking over at Jared then back at the road. "I'm going to make you try this pastry thing they have. It's like, heaven seriously. It will blow your mind. So how have you been, since... well, yeah." Jensen shrugged, apologetically and scanned the road as a distraction.

"Okay, same as usual. You do look really good. You're dressed different, I like it." Jared tightened his grip on Jensen's hand briefly then looked around the car. "I am kinda hungry." The mention of the pastry had made Jared's stomach grumble loudly.

"I never notice when I dress different," Jensen muttered, looking down at his clothes and laughing. "You might not believe me when I say this, but, less then forty minutes ago I was laying in bed. I was thinking about you as usual so I decided not to wait three weeks again to see you. So yeah. And I'm glad you're hungry because then I have an excuse to get more than one thing." Jensen grinned at him, heart fluttering happily in his chest. That probably wasn't too good.

Jared chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments then looked out the window, watching the streetlights race past. He tried to ignore the fact that his stomach knotted a little at the thought of having to come up with enough to say while they were at coffee. "Is your bed nice? I bet it's real soft and has a big fluffy quilt."

"Ah, you know my type," Jensen laughed softly and shrugged. "What can I say? I like fluffy things. And floppy things, it's a disease." Jensen didn't even realize how blatantly he was flirting until he glanced over and saw Jared watching him. Jared was probably thinking he was the stupidest guy alive. Flirting with Jared like he was foolish enough to think this was a date. "Oh. Coffee." Jensen was kind of relieved to see the shop because it saved him from further making an idiot of himself.

Pulling into a spot out front, Jensen climbed out of the car and waited for Jared, smiling and offering a hand to him. "Is it um, okay? To hold your hand?" Jensen wondered if the amount of people in the coffee shop would freak Jared out, or if he was just an all around people person. Looking at him, Jensen would never peg his type of work. Just that he was some good looking guy that wore slightly tighter clothes to show it off.

"Yeah, I would- Yeah, please." Jared's fingers slipped across his palm then turned to weave between Jensen's. "Is it gonna be really busy?" Jared smiled, trying to hide how nervous he was feeling. Sure, there were lots of things that he did that other people didn't do - things that some people might thing were a little crazy or took guts but this was different.

"Friday night? Not sure. It shouldn't be too bad; most people will still be finishing dinner this time of night." Jensen smiled reassuringly at Jared and curled his fingers into Jared's hand, leading him through the front glass doors. The line wasn't too bad and Jensen kind of liked holding Jared's hand, bumping slightly into his side, and listing off the things he enjoyed the most and knew for sure would be good.

When they got to the front he ordered his drink and allowed Jared to order his own while Jensen picked out a couple pastries for them to share. He wasn't too hungry so he planned on letting Jared have most.

He paid for everything before Jared could even open his mouth. By the time they got their drinks, pastries and found a table near the glass window, Jensen had almost fooled himself that this was a normal date and that he and Jared were just in the slightly nervous, just learning stage.

"I would pay for anyone," Jensen pointed out as they got situated in their seats. "I mean, if I invite you to something, I pay. It's a thing, right?" Jensen smiled softly and shrugged, gesturing toward the pastries. "Help yourself."

Staring across the table at Jensen, Jared cleared his throat. "Jensen? Are we on a date?"

"Um." Jensen looked around the coffee shop. He'd been here so many times before, he even knew the people behind the counter, but he didn't know Jared and he didn't know if he ever really would. "I, probably... not. Huh? I mean, that's not, something you'd be interested in. So, no. Then." Jensen shrugged and reached out for his coffee, sipping from the mocha.

"Okay. Just thought I would ask because if we were. Which we're not. It would have been okay. So maybe next time I can take you for coffee somewhere and it won't be a date then either?" Jared raised his eyebrows and his smile grew as he picked up his drink. He'd didn't really have any idea what it was but it had a lot of whipped cream on the top and a chocolate covered coffee bean and probably a _ton_ of sugar. Jared was very happy.

"Are you... mocking me?" Jensen's eyebrows lifted, slow smile matching the action. "Seriously, Jared, you're mocking me. For, taking you on a non-date date to get coffee." He snorted into his coffee and coughed, shaking his head. "I am so smooth. You'd never know I have fourteen years dating experience. Not that this is a date. But if it were, you know. Whatever." He shrugged and couldn't help grinning back at Jared, extending his leg to rest against Jared's under the table.

Catching Jensen's leg between both of his Jared tried to drink out of his coffee without getting whipped cream all over his face. He failed miserably and laughed, popping the coffee bean in his mouth then licking the cream off his lips. "This is really good," he mumbled while he licked.

"It is isn't it?" Jensen beamed and settled back in his seat, watching Jared. "I didn't even ask if you like coffee. I shouldn't assume things huh? So do you like coffee?"

"I like this mixed up blendy thing - whatever it's called. Coffee is nice when it's cold outside. You know what I really like is tea - but most places don't give that out for free. I mean, well. If you go to the shelters and stuff they usually make coffee for free." Sitting back a little Jared wiped at his face with the napkin. It had been his intention not to bring up stuff that reminded Jensen of who he was but he guessed it was just going to happen.

"Maybe one day you'll have a tea pot and you'll make copious amounts of tea." Jensen nodded slowly and grinned at Jared. He'd missed a spot of whipped cream right on the edge of his lips, it was begging for Jensen to reach out with his thumb and sweep it off so he did, sucking his thumb into his mouth as he sat back. "Does it make you nervous, being here?" Jensen murmured softly, just loud enough for Jared to hear, the non-trapped leg sliding over so one of Jared's legs was trapped between his.

Jared shrugged and looked down at his drink. "Not really. Maybe a little. Yeah." Resting his elbows on the table in front of him Jared smiled and clasped his hand together. "I feel a little out of place, do I look out of place?"

"No," Jensen slowly shook his head, leaning forward toward Jared and reaching out to take his hand. "In fact, I think I could get used to-"

"Jenny!" That call would be familiar anywhere and Jensen flinched, looking at Jared and squeezing his hand a little too firmly. He didn't even have time to tell Jared to brace himself before Chris hit his side, throwing an arm over his shoulder. "I should have figured you'd be here but you're not alone. Who's- oh. Oh, you, are, is this Jared?"

Jensen sighed and used his free hand to punch Chris in the side, squeezing Jared's hand once more but not looking at him. He kind of didn't want Jared to know that he'd talked to his friends about him enough for them to pick him out. "Chris, don't call me Jenny. Why this has to be the beginning of all our conversations I'll never know. And yes. This is Jared, Jared, my friend Chris. Now you've been introduced, go away."

"Ouch, I'm hurt," Chris pulled up a chair and dropped down, reaching behind him to slide over a second. "For Steve," he added at Jensen's raised eyebrows before looking back at Jared. "So. You're Jared. I've heard... a fair bit about you."

"Oh." Jared wasn't sure what to say about that. He wasn't sure what Jensen would have told his friends. "You're Jensen's friend, he's mentioned you." He smiled and pulled his hand back across the table to grab his drink.

Jensen curled his fingers together, bringing his hand back to his lap, sitting back in the chair. "Don't get all excited Chris, it was only in passing."

"Whatever, we all know you're secretly madly in love with me." Chris sighed and shook his head, looking toward Jared. "It's a real issue; we've all had to deal with it."

"Chris, are you tormenting Jensen and..." Steve plopped down in the vacant chair and handed a coffee to Chris, eyeing Jared. "This must be Jared."

"Chris!" Jensen narrowed his eyes, sighing heavily. Leave it to his friends to not be able to keep a secret. "Both of you suck. But Danneel sucks more for telling you all." Looking at Jared, he half smiled and shook his head. "Sorry about these two, they can be a bit much."

"Hey, we're the fuckin' shit," Chris defended and grinned at Jared. "So, you're the boy Jenny's all caught up on huh?" Chris simply laughed when Jensen groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"No," Jared mumbled, "I don't think that's me."

Looking down at his drink, Jared curled his hands round it and pulled it closer. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if he should leave, but truth be told he was completely lost and wouldn't know where he was going.

"Oh no, it's definitely you. Floppy hair and all." Chris insisted with a nod, punching Jensen's arm. "Tell him."

"Can you just go? Please? Would you want me barging in on your date?" Jensen growled, shooting both men glares.

Chris and Steve exchanged a long look and Jensen was pretty aware that he'd slipped up by saying _date_. There were going to be a thousand questions later. Awesome.

"Yeah yeah, we'll get out of your hair." Steve nodded and stood up, pulling on Chris' sleeve. "C'mon Kane, we gotta go anyway."

"Wait, I wanted to ask Jared how much it costs for a-"

"Chris," Jensen cut in, eyes widening. "I will kick your ass. Seriously. Go. Away."

"The love, it's so strong," Chris mumbled and allowed Steve to pull him away, muttering something that made the blond laugh.

Jensen watched them go, sighing softly before slowly looking back at Jared. "I honestly had no idea they were going to be here. I swear."

"You told 'em." Jared looked down at the table and pulled his hands back into his lap. This was the part that had to come eventually. He'd just kind of hoped it might take a little longer than fifteen minutes.

Frowning slightly, Jensen shrugged and ran his finger along his coffee cup. "I actually just told Dani and she told them. But, yeah. They know." Jensen sighed softly and shook his head, looking up at Jared. "I'm sorry. Should, I mean, I guess that's not-" Jensen cut himself off and shrugged.

Jared mimicked the shrug and pushed his drink away. "Can we go? I need to go back." Suddenly, his drink tasted sickly sweet and he just wanted to get outside and get some air.

"Oh." Jensen frowned and his heart sank in his chest. He could really hate his friends for ruining this. He and Jared had been really hitting it off, having a good time, and like every other time it was going to end on a bad note. "Okay." Pushing up from the table he gathered the plate of mostly uneaten pastries and his coffee, heading for the trash can to throw it out. He pretty much hated his luck at the moment.

When Jensen turned back around Jared wasn't there and he dragged his hand up through his hair, sighing heavily. He walked slowly through the coffee shop, stepping outside and spotting Jared lingering by the car. He had imagined this night ending so much differently. "I'm sorry Jared. I shouldn't have said anything to anyone. I just needed to talk about it." He shrugged and pulled his keys from his pocket, looking down as he headed for the driver's door. "I'll take you back so you can get on with your night."

"Yeah, maybe Chris will swing by." Jared tugged at the car door, swearing quietly when it was still locked. He didn't have enough money for a cab and actually didn't have much of an idea where he was so he couldn't just walk away. Well, he could, but it would be stupid.

Looking up slowly, Jensen's lips thinned out, eyes narrowing. "That was uncalled for."

It also stung but whatever, Jensen probably deserved it. And maybe he should just stop this. Stop trying. It was getting him nowhere real fast. He unlocked the doors and climbed in, starting up the car and waiting for Jared to get in beside him, fingers tightening on the wheel, gaze fixed forward.

"I apologize for hurting your feelings." Jared slammed his door and wrapped his arms over his chest.

Jensen started the car up, jamming his finger in the button and backing out of the parking spot, clenching his jaw as he pulled out onto the street. His heart hurt and Jensen probably would have cried or something if he was that type of guy. It was a real kicker that he was completely that type of guy, if he wasn't driving or whatever. Jensen didn't say a word until they were back on the highway, heading toward Jared's home.

"I was going to invite you back to my place." Jensen whispered, didn't matter now, whatever. This had to stop, there was no point in doing this, Jensen was clearly already attached, and Jared wasn't interested. He had to be smart here and spare himself the future heartache.

"Well, you know the drill. Fifty or seventy-five." Jared turned to look out the window. He'd been wrong. He wasn't _going_ to get his heart-broken, it already was. "And cab fare back after," he added quietly.

"Jesus," Jensen gasped and this time tears did prick at his eyes. He was the stupidest person _alive_. Even more so when he seriously considered turning the car around because he _wanted_ Jared. He didn't though. That would only hurt worse. Instead he simply tightened his fingers on the wheel and kept his gaze pointed out the windshield, annoyed with himself for being hurt because he knew what Jared was. And he knew where he stood.

When he pulled up to a corner halfway down the street Jared was usually on, he couldn't bring himself to look at the man. Some bitter part of him wanted to offer to pay for the time away but he wasn't that much of an asshole. So he just waited, bracing himself for whatever Jared did or didn't say.

Jared took a deep breath, watching his friends on the street. "Can I ask you something Jensen?"

When Jensen didn't say anything Jared continued. "Could you maybe not come back? It-" Jared looked down at his hands, "It hurts too much." Without waiting for an answer Jared pushed the door open and climbed out.

Jensen felt the hot burn of tears when he blinked to clear his vision. He so desperately wanted to look out the window and see Jared, _one last time_ but he didn't want to know if he wasn't there anymore. He felt numb, just kind of sitting there, letting the words sink in. It was for the best anyway, he told himself, insisted quietly because he was obviously hurting Jared and he'd never meant to do that. He'd never meant any of this to happen, not like this.

Chris' words echoed in his mind from weeks ago, _you want someone to date, someone to come home to, someone to spend your life with_ , and Jensen hated admitting it was true. Especially considering what Chris had however inadvertently done. Wiping angrily at his cheeks, Jensen told himself it didn't matter if Jared never wanted to see him again, there was no reason it should, and if he could just _drive_ then he'd go home and pretend like none of this had ever happened.

Jared was about three paces away from the car when he got angry. This was a roller coaster ride, they got together, things were happy, something went wrong and they made each other feel like shit and it started all over again. Spinning on his heel he strode back to the car and yanked the door open sliding back in. Staring over at Jensen, he was momentarily taken aback by the man's tears and shifted so he was looking away. "What do you want from me? Why do you keep coming back - is it the sex? Is that what all this mess is for?"

Staring at Jared in mild surprise, actually, really big surprise because he wasn't supposed to be here again, Jensen sighed. "If it were the sex, just the sex, would I take you out and buy you coffee? Would I ask you to stay the night with me and hold you while you slept? If I were just interested in sex then I could pick any of these guys here couldn't I? Or hell, I could go to a gay club and actually find someone to take home and fuck." He looked out the opposite window to hide the fresh new wave of tears, shaking his head in agitation.

"What do you want from me?" Jared figured it was a pretty straight forward question; he just wasn't sure what he expected the answer to be. He didn't know what he wanted, except some stupid fantasy that could never be a reality. He was stuck where he was - there was no way to even _begin_ something with Jensen but Jared just couldn't seem to walk away.

"I just... I like you. A lot. More than I should and I know it. At first I thought it was just the being with a guy thing but it's not. It's _you_. I like being with you. I like your floppy hair and the dimples you get when you smile. I like talking to you and being around you and I think if the situation was different I could fall in love with you." Maybe Jensen was already heading that way, but he didn't add that, the tears still on his cheeks kind of spoke volumes.

"You told your friends that I'm a prostitute." Jared's head still wasn't wrapped around that. Having Chris ask about what it cost for _anything_ was about the last thing he'd been prepared for because Jensen had never been like that.

"I just told Danneel and she told them. And I'm sorry about that. I needed to get it off my chest because I know I shouldn't like you. I know that it just complicates your life and I never meant for that to happen. And I'm sorry about Chris, he's an ass, I know, but he just, it's how he deals with things." Jensen shrugged helplessly, fingers curling and uncurling around his thighs.

"I'm in a program at the shelter. I'm taking a class on writing." Jared sighed and looked down at his lap. "I don't know how this can work. I mean, even if you wanted anything to work. This is what I am - I don't have anything - any money or clothes or a way to even try and get off the streets. It's like a drain you just keep circling until you go down." He'd thought about stopping, then he'd be _too_ hungry for far too long or have to sleep on the streets when it was snowing.

"Well, you could, get a job? I mean, like at a fast food place or something right? They usually hire minors. And," Jensen sighed softly, glancing over at Jared and feeling the clench in his heart all over again. And what? Jensen could invite him to stay and they'd live happily ever after? Yeah right. "I guess, when you want something you just have to work for it. Like the things you have on your list. If you ever want to see them happen, you just have to push through it. Because there's some things worth it in the world."

"And where do I sleep while I'm working at fuckin' McDonalds? Who do I put down as a reference? Oh yeah, that's not an issue 'cause I've never had a job. It's not about _hard work_ or _wanting something enough_. That's insulting." Jared looked over at Jensen. "Have you ever taken money to suck on a guy's cock?"

Jensen looked over to meet Jared's hard gaze, shoulders tensing. "No. And I'm sorry I can't understand your life. I'm sorry I have feelings for you that are making things difficult. I was just trying to be a good guy, because I thought maybe you actually felt something for me too. I'll do what you want Jared and if that means not coming to see you again then fine. Consider me gone. I won't complicate things for you any further and I'll get over my obviously stupid little crush."

"Stupid little crush? Wow." Jared reached for the door handle again. "You know, you didn't hear a word that I said. I asked if you'd ever sucked a guy's cock for money 'cause I want you to actually think about how _fucked_ up and _scared_ you'd have to be to consider doing something like that. You think about that for a few minutes. You think that's an easy place to get back from? That I've just gotta work harder? I feel-" Jared's voice broke and he dragged his hand down over his face covering his mouth for a few moments.

"Jensen, I feel… things for you. It just doesn't matter because I can't get out of here any easier than you could walk over there and blow the next guy who walked up to you." Jared blew out a breath, hands shaking. So - I guess that leaves us kind of stuck doesn't it?"

Jensen turned his gaze back down to his lap and thought about Jared's words. He couldn't imagine it. How could he? He grew up in a nice home in a nice neighborhood and now lived in an even nicer neighborhood with a solid job. They lived in two completely different worlds, and that was that. "Is there anything I can do at all? Is there any way this, you and me..." He sighed softly, already really knowing the answer. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Nothing I guess." Jared's hand fell off the door handle and he turned to Jensen. "I'm sorry that... I'm not different." Leaning forward Jared cupped Jensen's cheek with his hand and kissed the corner of his mouth. "You're kinda like - the whole package you know? Like someone looked in my head and made you up from... well," he sat back. "I'm glad I met you Jensen the accountant with long lashes who smells like Spring. Really glad." Jared pulled the door handle and shoved the door open. Climbing out of the car was probably the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life but Jensen was right. It wasn't Jensen's problem to solve - Jared's life was fucked up because he'd let it get that way.

If his lips weren't tingling, and his heart didn't feel like it was breaking, Jensen might have called out to him. But what was the use? So he waited until the door was shut then he left because he didn't really have much choice in the matter. So there he was, thirty years old and definitely into guys and heartbroken over some seventeen year old prostitute. And yet, not that surprised that it all came down to that.


	4. Chapter 4

A month later and Jensen was really no better off than he had been. He'd gotten over being pissed at his friends because it wasn't their fault anyway. They just started the horrible downfall and maybe spared Jensen from the pain it would be if he were completely gone for Jared already. Only, that was probably too late. Because he still dreamed about him, still imagined his touch and his quiet laughter and still couldn't smell the night air without thinking about him.

All of this was why he was once more back on that damned street. Only this time he wasn't looking for Jared and he kind of hoped he didn't see him. That would just, likely be too much. Instead he was pulling over and asking the first guy, "do you know someone named Chad?"

The first guy didn't know him. Neither did the second or the third but the fourth did. He knew Chad and knew where he was at that exact moment. The motel, of course. He even got a description and went to stalk some random guy, waiting in the parking lot to watch the people come and go, thankful Jared was never any of them. Not that he didn't know Jared came here, but he really didn't need the painful reminder.

It took three hours of waiting to finally spot someone that could possibly be Chad leaving room fifteen. Jensen climbed out of the car, papers in hand and half jogged after him. "Hey," he called to stop the man, coming to a stop himself when the guy turned. "Are you Chad?"

"Yup, who're you?" Chad put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it, squinting as the smoke swirled up around his head.

"I'm Jensen. I don't know if you know me but, I know you know Jared and I was hoping you could do something for me." Jensen shuffled the papers in his hand, as if he was going to shake Chad's hand which was just kind of ridiculous.

"Oh. Jensen. You fucked up my friend. He's not working today so go find someone else." Chad stared hard at Jensen and took another drag on his cigarette.

Flinching slightly, Jensen looked away and buried the urge to ask what Jared was doing. It hurt to hear how he'd hurt Jared, he could have done without that but it seemed fitting somehow. "I'm not looking for anyone. Well, you. But not for that. I just, there's this concert in town next week. Muse. Jared mentioned liking one of their songs and I'm sure it's not his favorite or anything but I was just thinking, I just. I got these two tickets and I was hoping you'd take him to it. I know he doesn't want to see me but, he wants to go to a concert and you’re his friend. I'll give you money for a cab and whatever else, if you could?" Jensen held the papers out. He couldn't do those things with Jared, but he could help in this way. Kind of. Maybe.

"Nope. I won't." Chad shoved his free hand in his front pocket and pulled out some papers and cards. "So, tell me the truth, Jensen. You love him?" Smoke snaked its way up Chad's face as he took another drag.

Dropping his hand against his leg, Jensen half stepped back. He'd really been hoping, not as a way to win Jared over or anything, but just to give him something. To leave some sort of lasting impression. "I do," he whispered and took another half step back. "Can you just give him the tickets? You don't have to say they're from me. You could say, whatever. Please. I just want him to have the chance to go if he wants to."

Chad held out a wrinkled business card. "He's there. Ask him yourself. I fuckin' hate concerts." Chad walked backwards for a few steps. "Sometimes, you just gotta work hard to get what you want. Didn't you tell him that?" He turned and headed off, flicking the butt of his cigarette across the parking lot.

Jensen looked down at the card, then back up at Chad's retreating form. Why would this guy even think Jared wanted to see him? It wasn't going to stop him from going because he had to try now that he knew where Jared was but the sting of rejection would hurt he was sure.

Heading back to his car he sighed and dumped the papers in the passenger seat. He typed the address into his GPS system and allowed it to lead him there though he really should have just found it himself because ten minutes wasn't long enough to gather his thoughts. He took an extra fifteen just sitting there, staring at the building before gathering up his things once more and going inside.

The lady at the front desk seemed reluctant to tell him where Jared was but he lied and said he was his older half brother, just checking in, needed to give him some stuff. She still seemed pretty dubious but she told him Jared was in the library and pointed out the way. Jensen walked along the halls of the youth center, trying to get some opener for a conversation he wasn't prepared to have.

Jared was sitting with his back to the door but Jensen recognized him instantly. His heart sped up at just the sight and he slowly walked that way, hesitating before pulling out the chair opposite the man and slowly sitting. "Hi," Jensen breathed, pulse rushing as he got his first good look of Jared in a month.

Blinking, Jared stared across the table at Jensen and closed his book slowly. Jensen was the _very_ last person he expected to see. _Ever again._ "How did you-" Jared's brow furrowed and he looked around like there was some explanation for Jensen's presence.

"I met Chad," Jensen said quietly and shrugged then looked up quickly. "Not- not for, I mean. I was looking, well, for him. Because, I got these tickets to this concert and I wanted him to take you but he said no. I don't think he likes me but I guess that's understandable. Anyway, he said you'd be here and that I should ask you myself." Jensen shrugged and set the tickets on the table in front of him as proof for his story.

"Chad," Jared echoed. He wasn't sure he wanted to think about what Chad would have said to him. Reaching out he grabbed the tickets and pulled them closer. "Why did you get me concert tickets?" Tilting his head slightly Jared looked up at Jensen. The man looked tired, or maybe he was just really nervous - it was hard to tell.

It was weird how Jensen hadn't even thought about what it meant coming here and saying these things. Jared would know he read his book, or a page of it, then he'd be mad again. But he didn't want to lie so it left little option. "That night we spent together, when I woke up you had the notebook in your hand and, I looked at it. Don't be mad, it was just that one page then I realized how much it all meant to you. But, just, one of the things was about a concert and so." He shrugged and looked once up at Jared then back down, rubbing along the back of his neck uncertainly.

"Oh." There had been another note on that page that had been pretty important to him. He'd woken before Jensen that morning and retrieved his notebook because he wanted to cross out _fall asleep being safe._ Realizing he was still staring at the tickets, Jared looked up again and stared at Jensen's face for a few moments before reaching down to pull his notebook out of his backpack. Flipping it open to a page toward the end Jared he laid it flat on the table and slid it toward Jensen. "I started a new list. It's a real to-do list - not so much a never-list."

"Does that mean you don't want to go?" Jensen asked quietly then reached out for the notebook, bringing it toward him to read.

 _stop hooking_

 _get off the streets_

 _work hard enough to get Jensen to love me like I love him_

Jensen read the first three lines and swallowed hard, looking back up. He didn't really know where to begin, so many things sparked up in his mind and he swallowed once more. "Jared, I-" he shook his head and half smiled. "The way I feel... anyway. It's. You're off the streets? And not hooking anymore?" They'd get back to the feelings thing; the library of a youth center wasn't really the place for it.

Jared smiled slightly and pulled his hands back away from the tickets. "I've got a room at this rooming house, it was through the center. I've got a job here working with other guys my age doing outreach so - I can afford the room. Haven't been on the streets since the night you dropped me off." That night was pretty painful; it was really the point of no return for Jared. Walking away from something he wanted so badly - because he was...what he was.

"Oh." Jensen had wished he'd known, or left his number for Jared, or something. "That's, really good Jared. I'm glad that you've got some things going for you. And, you look good. Really good." Which was really, really true. Jared looked like he'd put on a little more weight like he'd been eating the basic three meals a deal, his hair was warm and shiny in the cheap light from the library circuits and Jensen wanted to touch. Of course. "Are you happy?" He asked quietly, leaning his elbows on the table in front of him.

"Sure, I guess so. Still got some stuff to work on. Things are better for sure. S'nice to have a place to sleep every night. Gets a bit lonely sometimes." Jared sat back on his chair and folded his arms. "Why are you here? I mean... the concert tickets. Why?"

Arms folding across his chest, Jensen lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I've spent the last month thinking non-stop about you. I wanted to see you basically every minute of every day and I just, kept thinking I'd get over you. Only I didn't. So. Here I am. I bought concert tickets because you mentioned their song once and, I just, wanted. Um. It's stupid huh?" Jensen half smiled and shifted back in his seat, ready to go if Jared asked him too.

"So you gonna ask me or do I have to do that too?" Jared lifted a hand to brush his hair back off his forehead.

Looking up at the boy, Jensen slowly smiled and scratched along his arm. "Jared, do you want to go to the concert with me? It's next Thursday."

"Yeah, I'd like that." Jared reached out and pulled the tickets toward him. "I'll just hang onto these and you can pick me up from my place." He didn't add that he wanted the tickets so that he could remind himself later that it was real.

"And that would be where?" Jensen couldn't help grinning, relief loosening the clench in his heart.

"Wanna give me a lift home and I can show you? I've got a coffee pot. Can't make those big fancy drinks... but I could make you coffee?" Jared smiled shyly. He'd never asked anyone to his room, never had a reason to. Really, Jensen was the only person he would have asked anyway.

"Yeah. Yes. Definitely," Jensen nodded and pushed up to his feet, feeling lighter than he had in a month. "Did I mention that it's good to see you? Because it really is." This time Jensen gave in and reached out to tuck hair behind Jared's ear.

Jared felt his cheeks heat up at the touch. "It's good to see you too. You... you wanna go? I'm done here for today."

Nodding, Jensen stepped back to give Jared room to stand. "Yeah, can we head out? I just, you know I'm not, um, okay. I'm going to stop myself before I say something stupid. Shall we?" He gestured toward the door, smiling almost shyly. Telling Jared that he wasn't going to try and push for sex once alone for him was ridiculous; he had to give Jared faith that he wouldn't automatically think that.

"Where ya parked?" Jared grinned as he packed up.

-=-=-=-

The drive over had been a little uncomfortable - probably because both men weren't quite sure where they stood with each other. By the time they arrived at the rooming house Jared was wondering if he'd made the right choice. Pausing with the key in the door to his room he turned back to face Jensen. "Okay, so you know this is just a room right? Like - a start."

"Jared," Jensen smiled softly and reached out to lay his hand on Jared's arm, squeezing softly. "You know I don't care if it's tinier than a cupboard." He chuckled quietly and shook his head. "I'm proud of you, it's probably ridiculous but, I really am, so proud that you've gotten this far. It's a really big step."

"Okay." Jared smiled and turned back to the door unlocking it and pushing it open. He held out his hand to show Jensen in.

It was a small room, a bed and a desk, another door Jensen could assume was the bathroom. There was a stack of books on the desk and a few random posters on the walls that looked like they'd been collected from inside a travel agency. The pinch in Jensen's heart wasn't painful, maybe just too fond and when the door shut he couldn't help turning to Jared and pulling him into his arms, hugging him because he'd missed _touching_.

"Couldn't help myself." Jensen murmured against the side of his head, pressing his lips there for a moment before loosening his grip and stepping back.

It was over quickly but the heat of Jensen's body lingered. Jared smiled and his fingers moved to the spot where Jensen had kissed him. Closing his eyes for a moment he took a deep breath. "You can sit on the bed - it's more comfy than the desk chair and I'll make some coffee. Do you want coffee? Water? I have some soda but it's probably warm." Feeling a little like a fish out of water Jared took a step closer to Jensen then a half step back.

"Can we just, sit? For a minute or two?" Jensen reached out and grasped Jared's hand, taking him to the edge of the bed and slowly sitting. "We can talk, about whatever you want. Or just relax. I just want to spend some time with you for awhile, if that's okay." Jensen ran his thumb along Jared's hand and savored the idea that he was really here, that this was happening.

Nodding silently, Jared moved over with Jensen to the edge of the bed. Threading his fingers through Jensen's he turned slightly so their knees were touching. "Chad promised he wouldn't tell you where I was if he ever saw you."

"Oh." Jensen nodded slowly, not quite sure what to make of that. "Did you not want me to find you?" He asked in a whisper, biting down on his bottom lip uncertainly.

"I really _did_ want you to find me. That's why when I made him promise he told me I was full of shit." A smile tugged at the corners of Jared's mouth and he looked up at Jensen. His eyes were still beautiful, kind, the kind of eyes it was easy to get lost in.

"I wonder how he knew I'd come looking for you eventually," Jensen chuckled softly and trailed off in a slow exhale. He met Jared's gaze for a long moment, simply staring, wetting his lips unconsciously. "Can I kiss you? Just, just that. I just, really want to, and keep thinking about it, and might go a little crazy if I don't." He half smiled and shrugged, watching the light flicker across Jared's eyes.

Jared ducked forward quickly, lips crashing hard into Jensen's. It hurt but he didn't care and he was pretty sure that Jensen didn't care judging by the way that his hand slipped over his waist. Parting his lips Jared sank forward into the kiss, tongue slipping forward to slide along Jensen's bottom lip. Moaning softly he shifted closer.

It was better than he remembered but that was good, Jared's lips warm and silky across his own, and the pleased noise falling from his lips making his heart speed up. Jensen threaded his fingers up through Jared's hair and cradled him there, parting his lips to snake his tongue forward and lick his way inside the man's mouth. He kind of loved how Jared could kiss with this passion, how he made Jensen feel like he really _wanted_ this. Moaning quietly, Jensen shifted as close as he could, heart thundering in his chest because it was all just so _good_.

There were times when Jared had found himself wondering if Jensen had ever been real - or worse - Jared had simply imagined the connection he had sensed between them. The kiss. _God_ he was finally kissing Jensen again, was proof. It was real.

Jared's blood was racing through his veins. He actually felt a little dizzy for a few moments and then it was all about the kiss. He sucked gently on Jensen's tongue, inviting, teasing; his hands found their way up over Jensen's chest to loop around his neck. Jensen's lips were just like Jared remembered them; soft, smooth, his tongue hot and persistent. Groaning softly Jared pulled back slightly and sucked in a deep breath. "Whoa."

Jensen couldn't help the small laugh at that, leaning in to Jared to brush his nose along the man's jaw. "Yeah. Whoa pretty much describes how I'm feeling." He could spend a _really_ long time here, like this. But he was realistic enough to know that they needed to take some time before jumping into sex because Jared needed to know one hundred percent that it wasn't about the sex thing, that all of that was a minor part in comparison. "So I'm the first person who's come to visit you here?" He asked softly, kissing just below Jared's ear.

Dropping his head to press against Jensen's, Jared smiled. "Yup. Never wanted to bring anyone else. Not even Chad." _Different life._ "Is that okay?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Jensen grinned at Jared and slid his hand through the man's hair, sighing softly. "Things, it'll be different for us now right? We- there's a chance for us? I can take you on dates and, right? Is that, something you want?" Jensen couldn't even begin to say how much he wanted that. He wanted to show Jared all the good things about dating and being together and all that, and he'd go however slow Jared wanted.

"I'd like that. A lot. But - we gotta, I mean I know that we already..." Jared sat back a little, wanting to make sure Jensen could see his face. "We need to start over. Give me a chance to _not_ be the same guy. I mean, like the money. It's hard to see it in a different light, really hard." Dropping his gaze Jared sighed.

Cupping Jared's jaw, Jensen tilted his head up so their eyes could lock. "You should know Jared, I never... it was never the money thing. For me, I detached that part completely. Hell, all this time I've been thinking about you, the money stuff didn't go along with that. So, it won't be hard to see you as someone different. Okay?" He smiled reassuringly, leaning close to brush their lips together.

"And Chris. I know he's your friend -but can I ... can we wait a while before I have to see him again? It's like being, well, I dunno, I guess I deserved what he said because it was true but I don't want to have to deal with things like that while-"

"Hey, Jared, it's okay," Jensen interrupted with a small laugh, fingers sliding to massage along the back of his neck. "First of all, we'll establish a solid us before dragging any of my friends into it. And second, I talked to Chris. We sat down and really discussed it all and next time you meet him he's not going to treat you like shit okay? You didn't deserve that, you're better than that. Always. Okay?" Jensen dipped down to meet Jared's gaze again, not minding having to reassure Jared over and over if need be.

"Well, I was ... what he said I was. That will always be there you know?" Jared had thought about all the possible things that could happen, running into some guy who'd paid him while he was sitting somewhere, seeing a trick while he was working at the shelter... there were so many ways for things to head south. "What if we see someone... what if you're out with me and… and some guy-" His voice broke, lashes falling to his cheeks. "That's always been the thing - that I've thought about if I ever found you again... that things would be okay and then..."

"But I know who you are, and who you were. Look, eventually, hopefully, if things go well then you'll be... near me. With me. Maybe even living with me or something. So any clients you may have seen before probably wouldn't acknowledge you because that's how the business world works or something. Anyway, if it happens, I'm going to stick up for you, defend you, and make it clear that you're _mine_ and not the same person anymore." Jensen pulled Jared into his side, arm looping around him. "We can make it work."

"I'm yours?" Jared smiled shyly, "when did that happen?"

Flushing softly, Jensen loosened his grip and shrug. "Um. I don't know, the minute I met you?" He laughed nervously and shook his head. "Maybe I just assumed it. But, I'd like you to be mine? If, you know, you want that or whatever."

"I'm not even eighteen for another three months." Jared sighed. There really were a lot of complications, things to think about. "Your friends said I was a kid."

Pulling back a little, Jensen looked over at Jared and sighed. "You know, it'd help if you gave just a little." He smiled softly and shrugged. "So, we wait until you're eighteen. Spend the time getting to know each other. You're trying to get your life back on track; maybe it's better not to have a relationship right away. But, we can be friends to start off. And screw what my friends say; it's my life, not theirs. If I want to be with you then, I want to be with you."

"I've had all this time to think about how things would have gone wrong because I didn't have _you_. Maybe I was trying to convince myself it wouldn’t have worked even if you had come back, or I'd found you, so it didn't have to hurt so much. It's hard. It's hard to believe that you're sitting right here." Jared's hand lifted to curl around the side of Jensen's neck. "It's like a crazy dream, and I'm scared that I'm gonna wake up any minute and you'll be gone."

"I'm not going anywhere. Figuratively of course. I have to work in the morning but you know," Jensen laughed softly and shrugged, arm looping around Jared once more and pulling him close. "I'm going to spend a lot of time convincing you I'm not going anywhere. But, you have to promise, to let me help you okay? Because I want to help you, I really do. So, will you let me?" Jensen leaned closer to press his lips to Jared's jaw.

Nodding, Jared took a deep breath and turned to press himself close to Jensen's chest. "Could use some help. It's been pretty tough. And I gotta tell you the truth. Right now? I'm thinking about having sex with you... I want to and it's because... because that's how I know how to be _intimate_."

Smiling against Jensen's neck, Jared shifted. "That's not my word; my therapist told me that one. I have to re-learn how to be intimate... how everything doesn't have to end in me... well..."

"You have a therapist?" Jensen asked in mild surprise then laughed because _that_ was what he commented on, of all things. "Okay. Well. I've been told I can be overly romantic at heart or something, and apparently I've been looking for my Mr. Right for most of my life, so that must mean I know something about being intimate." Shifting back, Jensen spread out on the bed and opened his arms, smiling up at Jared. "Let's just lay here. Not that I don't want to have sex with you because, yeah, definitely do but... we should wait. So, we'll lay here and I'll hold you and we'll talk."

"I like that idea," Jared grinned and crawled up to rest his head on Jensen's shoulder. "I like that a lot."

-=-=-=-

"So, you two are like, dating now? Is that what you're calling it?" Danneel asked around a bite of pasta, glancing over at Chris when he snorted.

Jensen had to smirk when the man flinched as if Danneel had just kicked him in the shin. It seemed like a pretty realistic possibility. "Yeah, I mean, I believe so. We go on what would be called dates. And we kiss. Hold hands, that sort of stuff. That's all pretty standard dating stuff." Jensen wished he could define it a little better than that but it didn't so much bother him, it was just his friends and their need for technicalities and all.

"Okay then. So when do _I_ get to meet him?" Danneel huffed quietly and looked up at Jensen. "I know these two idiots met him and all but, I would like to."

"We're not idiots," Chris defended, glancing over at Steve. "Well, I'm not an idiot."

"Shut up Kane, I pay your rent." Steve threw a piece of chicken at him and Jensen couldn't help sighing despite the roll of his eyes.

"Hello children, can we please act just a little like we're in our thirties? For a moment or two? For the sake of my clean floors?" Jensen glanced at the offending piece of food on his floor and sighed. "I'm making you mop the floor when this is over."

"He would too," Chris snorted but bent over in his chair to pick up the chicken anyway.

Danneel sighed and shook her head, setting her fork down. "Jensen, on the more important topic, it's pretty obvious you have incredibly strong feelings for Jared, and that things are progressing, so one, I want to meet him. And two, what's next?"

So far Jared and he had been _seeing_ each other for two and half months. Almost five months since he'd met the man - because even if Jared was still seventeen for two weeks Jensen could never see him as a _kid_ anymore - and so many things had changed it was almost surreal. They had gone to the concert together and Jensen had even taken the day after off work so they could stay the night at a nearby hotel. They hadn't done anything outside of kissing and holding each other but that worked just fine for Jensen. He wanted to take it slow, wanted to learn every little thing he could about Jared.

It came out in small bits and pieces.

Jensen learned something had happened to Jared's parents, they'd passed away and Jared lived with his Uncle until he died. Then Jared had gone to the streets to spare himself child services. When Jared had seemed too upset by the line of conversation Jensen switched it over to more shallow and superficial things. He'd convinced Jared to show him more of his notebook because he wanted to work on crossing things off the list, wanted to do the things he could without handing Jared a bundle of cash just to make his life easier. It was important Jared build things up for himself.

So while he worked on getting his high school diploma through the youth organization, Jensen helped with the things Jared had never done. They went to a movie and Jensen reluctantly let Jared buy the popcorn and drinks, they watched holding hands and Jensen couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun in a theatre.

With Jared's first big paycheck they went to a mall and he bought himself a new outfit. It had made Jensen's heart pinch in his chest, seeing the almost _pride_ on Jared's face that he was able to buy himself some new clothes, and afterward he'd taken him out for ice cream because it was just one of those things.

Jared's list was both endearing and occasionally sad. There were some things there that Jensen had done before in his life and taken advantage of, hadn't even realized how important it was. Like walking through the park and holding hands, watching the sunset on a park bench, sharing a milkshake at Johnny Rockets. It was simple and easy and sometimes it came so naturally between them, Jensen was almost thrown by it all. He'd never been able to talk to anyone like he had Jared, not even his closest friends. When they spoke, Jared really _listened_ , Jensen could see it by the way his eyes fixed on him, widening during the peak of the story, crinkling when he grinned or laughed.

Sometimes it worried Jensen, how very much he felt for Jared. They talked sometimes on the phone, when Jared had minutes left and it was late at night. Jensen would lie in bed and listen to him talk about his work or his school and Jensen's heart literally _ached_. He wanted to hold Jared close to him every night, could hardly handle not touching him the very moment they got together, a hand through his hair or a brush across his lips. It was all these little things and Jensen was pretty sure he was head over heels, madly in love with this almost eighteen year old man. He just wasn't always sure how to handle it.

"Maybe if we all just sneak out, he won't notice and we won't have to do the dishes."

Jensen hadn't even realized he was lost in thought until the words managed to filter through his mind and he looked up at his friends, slowly smiling. "Sorry, I was just-"

"Thinking about Jared?" Danneel suggested and grinned back. "That figures."

A faint blush colored Jensen's cheeks and he shrugged, pushing up from his chair. "I think we should just not talk about this all now. Jared and I still need time to figure things out. So just, give us that. And you'll all officially meet him again. Only this time, if any mention of his past is brought up I will bring physical harm. Seriously." Jensen met Chris' eyes this time, to let his threat be fully known.

"Yeah yeah, no mention of the past." Chris held his hands up and shrugged, shaking his head. "I promise."

Jensen hoped it was true because he did want Jared to meet his friends officially and all, but he wouldn't put him in a bad position if he had anything to say about.

-=-=-=-

"So," Jensen shifted under his sheets, sighing into the phone. "Your birthday is next week. We should really do something special. Got any good ideas on that list of yours?" Jensen kind of got a thrill from helping Jared cross things off his list, like learning how to drive which Jensen had been helping him with since he got his permit the month before. And Jared was kind of natural at it, like he was at a lot of things without even realizing it.

"Well, I was thinking. You know, in case you asked - not that I assumed you would or anything." Jared grinned and nestled down into his bed. "What about a road trip. I've saved up some money I could pay for gas - maybe we could go camping... I've never been camping. Have you?" He realized it was a lot to ask, but Jensen liked him to tell the truth and it was kind of a special time for them.

Smiling fondly, Jensen slid a hand down his chest and laughed quietly. Leave it to Jared to have an idea like that, adorable and sweet. "I have never been camping. But it sounds like a fun idea. It's warm enough for it. I could take the Friday of your birthday off, and the Monday after so we could make a long weekend out of it?" Jensen could definitely get behind the idea of spending four days alone with Jared. "Can we stay in a cabin? I think I would fail at the tent thing."

"A cabin is a good compromise. Can we have smores? I've never had smores - and I want to cook those wiener things on a stick. Do you fish? Can we fish? No, wait, I don't want to kill anything." Jared rolled over, tucked his hand behind his head. He had never been excited about his birthday before.

Still laughing softly, Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared's voice wash over him. "Okay, no fishing. But yes to the smores and the wiener things on a stick. As long as we have something nutritionally healthy at some point. Did I mention I spent seven hours straight today staring at the books for Starbucks? Do you have any idea how brain numbing that can be? Seriously. I feel like someone stabbed at my eyeballs with an ice pick or something equally horrible." There wasn't much point to this, Jensen just wanted to keep Jared talking until the man said he had to go because of the minutes left.

"I can imagine. See, that's why I think I want to work with people - it's all that complaining you do about numbers. Also, I figured then I'd be able to understand you better, you know, _Jensen-wrangler_. That sounds kinda naughty." Jared laughed. He was glad they'd made it to the point where they could tease each other. It hadn't always been an easy road. Jensen was sweet and patient but sometimes - Jared just couldn't shake the old ways.

"I... just can't really comment on that without saying something totally inappropriate. And you understand me. Way good. Whatever. And I only complain to you because everyone else already knows just to tell me to shut up but you love me so you put up with it." Jensen grinned, thinking about the words for a few moments before sighing. "I love you Jared. Probably should tell you in person and not over the phone but, well, brain dead and all is my excuse."

"You love me, like you love ice cream and Danneel? That kind of love?" Jared's smile faded a little. He wasn't entirely sure anyone had ever loved him. Maybe his parents, but then he couldn't remember that. His Uncle tolerated him. Chad was Chad. Jensen was incredible. But love? Love meant different things to Jared and Jensen. _Very_ different things.

Closing his eyes, Jensen sighed once more and - like he did on more than one occasion - wished for the ability to take his words back. "Well. No, not really, more than that. But, it's okay. I love you like I love ice cream and Danneel too, so, that's just. Okay. Clearly I need to sleep before I really loose all ability to keep myself from talking too much so. I'll get started on the cabin thing and stuff, let you know what's available." If there was a little clench in Jensen's heart it was only because he worried he'd push too much and scare Jared off, because he wanted this all so badly and sometimes he forgot he needed to give Jared time to adjust, to figure himself out, then everything else would come.

Jared covered his eyes with his hand for a few moments then dragged it down his face. "Jensen. I've never cared about anyone like I care about you and I know that no one else has ever ... cared about me this way. Don't give up on me okay? I'm getting there. You're the most important thing in my life. I just ... Well ..." He sighed again always a little nervous when these types of things came up.

Sighing softly, Jensen's lips half twitched into a smile and he nodded silently. When he felt a little more in sync with his thoughts, he spoke. "I know. And it's okay. Really. You know how I feel, well, obviously, so just- yeah. It's okay. I know you're still working on so many things and I don't mind waiting. You're worth it. Okay? So it's all good." Jensen pressed the phone a little harder into the side of his head, as if that could make them closer somehow. "So I'll look into the cabin thing right? Can you call tomorrow?"

"Yeah, night Jensen." Jared waited until he heard the man bid him goodnight and then ended the call.

He worried about them, all the time, more than he even told Jensen about. There were just some things that were hard for Jared to believe and one of them was that he was _worth_ anything let alone worth _waiting for_. Struggling with who he was daily was a battle he knew that he would face for a while but he also knew that meant that Jensen was along for the ride.

Groaning loudly, Jared threw his covers back and climbed out of bed. His clothes for the next day were already lying out on the end of his bed. He didn't have to work until the afternoon and had planned to spend the morning doing some research for a paper - but suddenly he felt like it didn't matter quite so much. He was dressed and out the door in about ten minutes, moving quietly through the house he slipped out the front door and jogged down the street.

-=-=-=-

Jensen was mostly asleep when there was a knock on his door. He blinked a few times, staring up at the ceiling and trying to figure out what had woken him. It took awhile - until the next knock sounded actually - then Jensen rolled off the mattress and fumbled for his glasses. Coming up empty handed, he stumbled half blind through his room to the hallway. He had no real idea what time it was, only that it was late enough for the person behind the door to have an emergency or he was going to be _really_ annoyed.

Scratching along his bare chest, Jensen briefly contemplated the negative sides of opening the door in just his boxers before shrugging and turning the lock. If someone was coming over so late, they could deal with the repercussions. Leaning against the door frame slightly, Jensen pulled the door open a few inches and blinked at the slightly blurry form of floppy hair and tall lean frame. "Jared?" He mumbled, opening the door a little wider, heart thundering his chest. "What's the matter? What's wrong?" Jensen stepped back this time, allowing Jared to enter because he kind of looked upset and Jensen couldn't get passed him being _here_.

"I just. I wanted-" Jared sighed and stepped inside, shoving the door closed behind him and leaning back against it. "I wanted to be here, touch you.... can I stay?" Pushing off the door Jared took a few steps closer, eyes moving slowly down Jensen's body. It had been months since he'd seen him without his clothes on. Hands sliding over Jensen's chest and around to the small of his back, Jared pressed flush against him, lips barely ghosting past stubble. "Just for tonight, please?"

The worrying pace of his heart slowed to something more manageable so at least Jensen's heart didn't feel so tight in his chest. No, not it was racing for a different reason. "Yeah, you can stay," he murmured and wrapped his arms around Jared, pausing long to flick the lock back into place. "How did you find where I live?" He couldn’t help asking, not that he wasn't completely relieved to see Jared. It didn't happen near enough for him, seeing Jared, and if Jensen had his way he'd have Jared here always. As of now he'd never even been to Jensen's place. Jensen stroked his fingers up along Jared's sides, stroking through his hair, tilting into his lips on his jaw.

"Phone book, a long time ago." Jared tucked his fingers under the waistband of Jensen's boxers, sliding them round until his thumbs could dig into the man's hips. "Wanted it ... just in case." His lips were on Jensen's, the corner of his mouth, his bottom lip, the small indentation on his top lip. "Let's go to bed," he murmured.

Heat pulsed through Jensen and he half stumbled back, pulling Jared with him because _yeah_ he definitely wanted that. Only, something was nagging in his mind, the whole _I love you_ and the subsequent _don't give up on me_. Jensen curled his hands around Jared's shoulders and stepped back, holding Jared there and blinking at him, wetting his lips to gather the taste there. "Jared." He exhaled the name, releasing Jared and threading hands through his hair.

Inhaling deeply, Jensen looked around the familiar cleanliness of his apartment, all the things he knew so well and turned back to Jared, holding out his hand. "Come on, we should talk."

"Do we have to? Aren't you tired?" Jared took Jensen's hand and pulled him back. All he wanted was to show Jensen how much he meant to him, how much he wanted that _everything_ that he knew was out there. Shrugging out of his jacket, Jared let it drop on the floor behind him and stepped back into Jensen's body. He was warm, hair all messed up from being in bed and a little bleary-eyed but Jared just thought it made him look even better. Dipping his head down he sucked and kissed his way along Jensen's shoulder and up the side of his neck; he smelled good, warm and clean, sleepy.

"Jared," Jensen moaned softly and backed them up, all too aware that he was in his boxers and his arousal wasn't going to be easy to hide. And it would be so very easy to cave into it, to pull Jared into his room, spread him out on his bed and just _take_ him. But this wasn't happening for the right reasons and Jensen knew it.

"Okay, okay. God, I, I really, _really_ want to do this but we can't." Jensen stepped back and blinked at Jared. "Come on, let's go lay down in my bed and talk. I've got a really fluffy blanket." He smiled softly at Jared, taking his hand once more.

Jared frowned, licked his lips and kicked off his boots then let Jensen pull him down the hall. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not. I'm glad you're here, it's a nice surprise." Jensen smiled softly at him as they stepped into his room, fingers squeezing Jared's then letting go so he could cross to the foot of his bed and slowly sit. He looked up at Jared, watching him shift slightly and sighed. "I know what you're doing."

"Me too," Jared smiled nervously, "I wanted to be with you. Been thinking about you." Taking a hesitant step closer Jared kneeled down in front of Jensen and gazed up at him. "Just wanted to be here, with you." Sweat was beading at the small of his back, nerves, it felt like Jensen was going to say no or send him away.

"And I want you here with me." Jensen cupped Jared's jaw on either side, thumbs sliding along the skin. "But, that's not what I'm talking about. You're trying to get me to fuck you right? Because, I told you I love you but you're not ready to say it yet, and you don't want me to freak out and decide you're not worth waiting for or something crazy ridiculous like that. So, you don't know how to tell me all these things outside the one thing you do know. Am I anywhere close or are you mad at me now for continually putting my foot in my mouth?" Jensen smiled uncertainly down at Jared, no longer surprised that he just kind of babbled when around Jared. That was simply how the man made him feel.

Jared tried not to feel hurt and tore his gaze away from Jensen's eyes. "Maybe. Maybe I just thought it was time for me to ... Maybe I thought I should show you. I can show you." Closing his eyes he let his hands fall to his lap and sat back heavily onto his heels. "How'm I gonna know when it's okay? Why isn't it okay now?" He hadn't meant to sound quite as panicky as he did. "We did it before and you didn't say no," he added weakly.

"Yeah, well, before was... a lot different. A lot. You know that." Jensen sighed softly and rested his arm across his thighs. He'd rather not be having this conversation in his boxers, but he'd already adjusted to needing to be the solid rock in their relationship and he didn't mind.

"I want this Jared. I know you might not believe me right now but I do. _God_ sometimes I want to spin you around, press you against whatever flat surface and just take you. But, I just, I want it..." Jensen sighed once more and rubbed along the back of his neck, feeling kind of stupid and sentimental now. "I want it to be special. Really special. I want it to be when, we're both madly in love with each other and we know it, and we both know this is, us. You know? So I just, I want to make _love_ to you Jared, not fuck you. Okay?"

Jared tried to hold back the tears he could feel brimming in his eyes. He wasn't sure he understood some of it. There was something deep inside him that really did want Jensen to just fuck him, let him _feel_ that again and be sure that the man still wanted him even though things had changed so much between them. That was how they'd gotten together - it was what he was good at - how he could show Jensen the way he felt. _Love_. Looking up finally he stared at Jensen for a few moments, then whispered, "okay."

Pushing up to his feet, Jared shoved his hair back off his forehead and smiled softly. "Okay, I'll just," he waved toward the door.

"Don't go," Jensen pushed up to his feet and grabbed his hand, stopping him. "Please, Jared. Come on. Just, stay. Just." Jensen closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, blowing a breath out slowly and biting down on his lip. "Why can't you just stay here and lay with me? Stay the night?"

"I can? I mean... can I?" Jared's smile grew a little. "I thought maybe that wasn't okay. I want to." Confusing as everything was - the one thing he _did_ know was that he always felt better when he was with Jensen. It didn't matter what had happened or where they were - the man's presence was just something that soothed him. "Wait. Can I kiss you still? I was allowed to do that before." He worried his bottom lip, smile still visible.

"God Jared," Jensen snorted a laugh and shook his head, turning to head for the bed side. "Just because I want to wait to have sex with you doesn't mean I can stand the idea of not touching until then. So strip down to your boxers and come get into the most comfortable bed you'll ever feel." Jensen grinned over at him, sliding between the sheets, pulling the other side up for Jared.

Jared hesitated for a few moments, finally looking around the room. It was nice, not over-crowded. There was lots of room and the bed did look really lovely. Slipping out of his clothes quickly Jared gathered them up and hung them over a small chair over in the corner then clambered into the bed and scooted up as close to Jensen as he could. "You know, I could totally _make_ you have sex with me. If I wanted. You know that right?" Jared buried his face in Jensen's neck to hide his smile.

"Is it really that important to you?" Jensen asked quietly, gathering Jared close and holding him against his side. His hand stroked through Jared's hair softly, familiar silky locks in his grasp. His fingers massaged into Jared's back, sighing softly.

Smile fading a little Jared pulled back enough to look into Jensen's eyes. "I made you feel good. You make me feel good all the time, I-" he shook his head and let his head fall back down to Jensen's shoulder.

Sighing softly, Jensen wet his lips and blinked up at the ceiling, listening to Jared breathe for a few minutes. "You make me feel good, all the time. Not in sexual ways but that doesn't always matter you know? I mean, it does, and we'll get to that, we will. But, you make me laugh and smile. You make me want to get up in the mornings. You just... you make me feel better than anyone else in the world ever has okay? All the time, always. I mean it." Jensen tilted Jared's chin up, looking down into Jared's eyes. "You have to believe me."

"I believe you," Jared murmured. "I feel the same way - I just, _God_ Jensen. I've seen your friends and the way you live. Your bed is bigger than my whole room. I _do_ know what you're saying, I really do. Just have trouble believing that someone would want me...want to wait for me. I believe you." He said the words again as though he hoped it might help convince him.

Pressing his lips to Jared's temple, Jensen sighed softly and wondered how many months of them being together it would take before Jared did believe. Considering his circumstances, Jared might spend his whole life trying to believe him. "I wish I could just, move you in here right now. Start our lives together. I know it won't work like that though, I know you need to be able to do your own thing, get your own life back in order. I just hope one day, you know." He shrugged and slid his lips across the soft skin once more.

"I don't want it to be a long time." Jared rubbed his nose across the end of Jensen's. "Okay? I'm doing things on my own, going to school. Got a job. I want you too - you're like the best thing. Kinda of like the prize in the cereal box." Jared shrugged and grinned.

"I think I'm a bit better then the prize in the cereal box." Jensen snorted and slowly shook his head. "So, you'll tell me when you're ready to move here and I promise to let you know when I think our relationship is sex ready. Deal?"

"How about I tell you when we're ready for both?" Jared beamed down at Jensen and pressed his lips to the other man's to stop him from answering. He laughed when Jensen pushed him back slightly and nestled down under his arm. "I like your bed," he said.

"Yup. Best bed ever." Jensen murmured and let the conversation slide. They'd cross that bridge again he imagined, maybe even sooner than he thought, but it was okay. And he really did like having Jared here in his bed with him. "I gotta work early. Not all of us are crazy teenagers with heaps of energy or something."

Laughing softly, Jared reached over and curled his fingers into Jensen's hand. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Mmhmm, anything for you." Jensen closed his eyes and squeezed Jared's hand.


	5. Chapter 5

Having Jared in his bed when he woke was kind of perfect, Jensen decided, and it was really difficult to let him go back to his normal life and get on with things. Jensen kind of just wanted to keep him there forever. He spent the day planning the cabin trip for Jared's birthday and getting the details all situated. There were things he knew of from Jared's list and he thought the weekend of his birthday was the perfect time to cross them off. As many as he could remember.

To get Jared as many of the required driving hours as possible he had Jared drive there, relaxing back in the seat and even dozing for awhile. It was kind of nice, really nice actually, to feel the almost domestic quality between them. Jensen might be thirteen years Jared's senior but he didn't feel the distance between them, it was just something natural. So sleeping in the passenger seat, Jared hand curled in his on his thigh, yeah, it was kind of perfect.

The cabin was pretty secluded but only a half hour from the town, a compromise indeed. Jensen wanted to be able to go into town on one of the days, look at the local stores, buy pointless souvenirs just because he could. They ended up going down for Jared's birthday dinner as well, sharing a quiet meal with candle light and all and Jensen watched the surprised yet pleased grin on Jared's face.

Jensen tried not to think about all the birthdays he'd had that passed without something so special. When the waiters brought out cake including lit candles, Jensen couldn't get enough of the light sparkling in the man's eyes. Jensen knew Jared was stunning but that moment would always linger as the first time Jensen realized how very _beautiful_ Jared was. And if Jensen hadn't already been in love, he might have fallen just a little more there.

It would have been a kind of pointless thing if Jensen had given in and slept with Jared the way he so badly wanted to the night of his eighteenth birthday. He did take his time mapping Jared's body with kisses, learning the taste of him with slow open mouthed glides. The feel of Jared's body beneath him, constantly writhing and shifting until Jensen finally took him in his mouth; it was enough to leave Jensen just as eager shifting on the mattress. Jared came within minutes of Jensen swallowing him down and Jensen decided this really had to happen more often now. Because giving Jared a blow job was amazing, receiving one in return was pretty damn good too.

The cabin was relaxing and peaceful, they hiked through the woods, climbed rocks, overlooked the landscape. Jensen spent most of his time watching Jared, watching him smile softly when he wasn't aware of it, like he couldn't believe he was here, living this life. Jensen couldn't help pulling Jared in close whenever possible, kissing him softly, squeezing him around the middle and savoring how Jared no longer smelt like night, how he smelt like sunshine and fresh air and Jensen couldn't get enough.

They left early on Monday morning so Jensen could take Jared to a water park. Jensen had seen the _swim in a pool_ on Jared's list and it was simply not something he could pass up on. Jensen had first swum in a pool when he was six, and couldn't fathom why Jared had never been able to experience that. He allowed his immature side to come out at the water park, splashing and dunking Jared, going down the rides with him, savoring every moment and time.

That was just how it became with them. Or really how it had always been but it was almost like every moment spent together was another time in which Jensen found himself falling just a little bit more. Constantly, continuously, Jared a part of his mind and thoughts.

It happened all the time, while he was working on the books for McDonalds he thought about Jared dipping fries into ice cream, laughing at Jensen's scrunched up face. While walking through the grocery story it was, what would Jared like for dinner, what would Jared want around for breakfast. Jensen wasn't even sure he could pinpoint the exact moment in time in which that one thing blended into another and everything just equaled out to be _Jared_.

They'd been together for months now, at least three since Jared's birthday, the man a part of Jensen's life for more than half a year and he'd never been so happy in his life. He even told his parents about Jared, though denied their request to meet him. They still needed that time, there were still things to cover and a part of Jensen wanted to protect Jared, keep him his own. So his friends and family just had to deal with Jensen's constant gushing on his boyfriend's behalf until someone inevitably punched his arm and told him to shut up. No amount of pestering or begging from his mom or Danneel or Chris or Mack could get him to give in, and really it was just good practice for his patience.

Because sometimes having Jared around was almost too much for his senses. Like this given Friday night when they were laying in bed, relaxing under the covers and Jared's lips were sliding along his collar bone, fingers dancing along his middle.

"Jared," he cleared his throat and shifted along the bed, sighing softly. He was still sticking to the waiting thing and, mostly, Jared went along with it. This was probably going to be one of those nights Jensen had to fight against the urge. "I want to look at your book, you know, see where we stand, what things are most important, stuff like that. So uh, you should get that." Jensen smiled softly and swallowed a moan when Jared nipped along his skin.

"You're trying to distract me," Jared murmured. He loved kissing Jensen, loved running his tongue over his flesh, nipping at his freckles. There were lots of freckles. Sliding his palm flat against Jensen's abs, he let it wander down to his boxers. "S'way over there." He waved in the general direction of his jeans.

"Well, go get it." Jensen grumbled and nudged at Jared, grinning when Jared rolled his eyes. "Come _on_. Do it for me. You owe me." He nodded; sure this was justifiable, heart fluttering in his chest when Jared scrunched up his nose. _God_ he was so gone for the man.

"Owe you my ass," Jared ribbed. After a good firm bite on the side of Jensen's neck he slid off the bed and padded over to his jacket returning with the book moments later. "Here, but most of my to-do list is done, you've been making all my wishes come true." Jared grinned and tucked himself back in against Jensen's side. He laid the book on Jensen's chest.

"Which is why you owe me," Jensen laughed and flipped the notebook open. It wasn't all the list. On some pages there were random doodles, nothing specific. Some pages were what could be considered journal entries but Jensen didn't read. He knew Jared would likely let him but that was for a different time. There were pages of crossed off things, Jensen smiled as he ran his fingers along them - dance in the rain, volunteer at a soup kitchen, one crazy little thing after another. Still smiling, Jensen hesitated at one a few pages in: _have a boyfriend_.

Jensen's eyebrows lifted and he glanced toward Jared, pursing his lips. "So what am I? Chopped liver?" He said it as a joke to take out the slight sting that came with Jared not considering him his boyfriend. He'd assumed already, and he'd thought Jared had as well.

Blinking, Jared smiled and tried not to suddenly panic. "Well, we didn't talk about it - so I figured I had no right to think of you as ... that. Are you? That?" His lips were a thin line as he stared up at Jensen's face, fingers rubbing small circles on the man's arm.

"Well, I um, I thought so. I mean, I'm not seeing anyone else and I'm kind of madly in love with you so, you know." Jensen shrugged and traced his finger along the page, something to distract himself.

"Will you be my, uh, boyfriend then? I mean, seeing as you are already? Can I keep you?" Jared smiled and kissed the corner of Jensen's mouth.

Chuckling softly, Jensen nodded and pushed into the kiss, half rolling on Jared for a moment as his tongue moved forward then pulled back. "Yeah, I'll be your uh, boyfriend." Jensen smirked at him and ruffled his hair before flopping back, reaching out for the nightstand to get a pen. "Mark it off. Do it. Come on." He beamed at Jared, kissing the tip of his nose because he liked being ridiculous enough to make Jared laugh.

Snatching the pen out of his _boyfriend's_ hand Jared scribbled through it quickly. "There, it's official. You're mine. You're my boyfriend. Jensen the boyfriend." Laughing, Jared lay back down and handed the book back to Jensen. "I like it."

"Me too." Jensen grinned and flipped through the pages once more. There were more doodles, more journal entries, random to-do lists that applied to specific days in Jared's life. Jensen stopped at the next list, reading over it slowly.

 _never had a home_

 _never had someone to love me_

 _never believed anyone would come back_

 _never had a soft bed_

 _never had a teddy bear_

Jensen bit his lip and had one of those moments he occasionally got when Jared just made everything churn and stir in him. Stroking a hand through his boyfriend's hair, he smiled softly and turned to press a kiss there. "I think you can cross a couple of these off too."

"Yeah," Jared leaned into his boyfriend's hand, "I think I can." Picking up the pen again, Jared drew lines through _never had someone to love me_ and _never had a soft bed_. Looking up at Jensen, Jared chewed on the end of the pen for a few moments, then put a line through _never believed anyone would come back._ "I haven't looked at this part for a long time," he murmured.

A warm smile curved Jensen's lips up and he slowly took the pen and notebook from Jared, setting both over on the nightstand. "I might just have to buy you a teddy bear," he murmured and chuckled softly, lips brushing against Jared's as he rolled half on top of him. "And one day, maybe soon, you'll have a home. I promise." His tongue snaked forward, slipping between Jared's lips, a faint brush and withdrawing.

"I kind of have a home, but not ... well. Not what you might think." Jared's cheeks were coloring a little pink - maybe it was having Jensen's body pressing him hard down into the mattress, maybe it was the way his thoughts were speeding through his mind and yet all coming back to Jensen.

"Mm and where is that?" Jensen breathed, hands stroking through Jared's hair, down along his neck.

Closing his eyes, Jared smiled. "You, you're my home."

Pushing up slightly, Jensen stared down at Jared and his heart fluttered lightly in his chest. "Yeah? That's, yeah. Good." He sighed softly and dipped down, lips sliding across Jared's once more, deepening the kiss, wanting more almost instantly.

Jared's heart felt like it would burst through his chest. Jensen kissed him like it might be the last kiss they'd ever have - always - and the fact that Jared _knew_ there would be more made it that much better. Parting his lips wide, fingers sliding up through Jensen's hair, Jared kissed his boyfriend back - kissed him like it might be the last kiss they'd ever have even though he knew there would be more.

Shifting slightly, Jared's hand pressed against Jensen's chest, pushing him back just enough to break the kiss. "Jensen? Can I tell you something?" Letting his nails scrape over Jensen's scalp and down the back of his neck, Jared smiled.

"Of course," Jensen nodded slowly, wetting his lips to pull in the taste of Jared. "As long as it's not like, I taste like onions or something." He smiled softly, scrunching his face up slightly.

"I love you."

Jensen's heart flipped in his chest and he slowly grinned, thumb brushing along Jared's chin. "Yeah? That's pretty much the best thing I've ever heard." Jensen laughed softly, brushing his lips to Jared's. Sometimes he thought about where Jared was before, how far they'd come, and it made him more than excited for their future. "I love you too," he breathed and dipped in for their lips to meet once more, rocking down to deepen the kiss.

The kiss took Jared's breath away and he moaned softly, There was no way he could prevent himself from arching up into Jensen's body; it had been such a long time since they'd touched each other like this. The pressure of his boyfriend pressing down on him felt _too_ perfect and Jared was already so hard he ached. But he'd been aching for Jensen for a long time. He's just also been trying to stick to Jensen's rules.

Sliding his leg over Jared's body, Jensen straddled him, moaning into the kiss as the heat of their arousals rocked together through the cotton of their boxers. "God, you're always so amazing," he murmured into the kiss, sliding across to Jared's jaw, along his neck, sucking at the skin, marking because he could. "You drive me crazy, did you know that? I just, want to spend every minute of every day with you." Jensen bit softly at Jared's neck as he rocked his hips down.

Moaning loudly, Jared tried to catch his breath. "God, Jensen, if I'd known. Loving you would make you like this..." Jared's voice faded into another moan as Jensen rolled his hips down hard. Their cocks fitted together, side by side, rubbing and Jared clawed at his boyfriend's back trying to bring him closer. "Jensen? Can we?" He panted, shoulders pushing his body up off the mattress as his hands slid forward to grip the man's upper arms tightly.

Even if Jensen had wanted to say no, he wouldn't now. No way. Too much had happened in the past half hour and Jensen wanted ever single little moment and the rest. "Yes. God. Yes." He nodded and kicked back, pushing the blankets off them before it got too hot to stand. His lips continued their path down Jared's body, sliding over his skin, catching around his nipple and pulling it up. "Tell me how you want me," Jensen breathed across his skin, fingers dancing down Jared's sides, hooking around elastic and lifting over Jared's cock, pushing down.

There was the flip again, _how Jared wanted Jensen._ "I don't know," he murmured. His head rolled to the side, hands falling away from Jensen's body as his boyfriend sat back to kick off his own boxers. Skin against skin, Jared had wanted that for _so_ long. Air whooshed out of his body as Jensen settled back over him, lips hit flesh again and Jared's body shuddered. "Jensen, I want-" he gasped and arched up as the hot flesh of their hard cocks slid together.

"Mmhmm, what do you want?" Jensen breathed against Jared's lips, slowly rocking their hips together, skin sliding together, constant motion. He dipped his head down to Jared's neck, sucking at the skin, pulling along the heat, breathing in Jared's smell and committing it to memory because there was really nothing more perfect than that.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jared hummed quietly as his hands curled over Jensen's head and his back. "Want. Like before. You, sitting and I-" frustrated he gave up and chased Jensen's lips with his. After a few longs minutes of sliding their lips together, Jared pulled back and shoved at Jensen to roll him off. Panting he tugged on his boyfriend's arm until he was sitting up. "Back against the headboard," he murmured.

Pushing up to sit against the headboard, Jensen pulled Jared in close and let their lips meet once more, tugging Jared over his thighs. They shifted pillows around, found the most comfortable position and a sharp thrill shot through Jensen as he thought about finally having Jared in his bed like he so badly wanted. It was months of dreams coming to life right before him and he grinned into the kiss. "Lube and condoms in that drawer," Jensen indicated to the nightstand with his elbow, sighing soft and content as Jared's warmth soaked through him.

Letting himself fall to the side, Jared flopped his arm out to the side and pulled out the lube and a condom. Hauling himself back up until he was straddling Jensen's lap once more he put the lube down beside them and held the condom. "I. I got my results back two weeks ago. Negative." Dropping his gaze, Jared fidgeted with the condom nervously. "I haven't been with anyone since that night I got out of your car. If you don't want to - I understand and it won't be a prob-"

"You don't want to use the condom?" Jensen asked to confirm what he was pretty sure was the point of Jared's babble. Smiling softly his fingers stroked along Jared's jaw. He'd always used protection before but with girl's it was for a different reason, one clearly not important here. And he shuddered slightly at the pleasure filled thought of Jared's warmth around him, no barrier. "Okay. Let's not use it. I, yeah. That sounds good." He grinned at Jared and pulled the condom from his fingers, tossing it back toward the table.

Jared's eyes moved up to lock with Jensen's quickly and he slid closer to him, ass sliding over the man's cock. Settling back, Jared deliberately circled his hips a few times before falling against Jensen's body. "I've been thinking about this."

Curling his hands over Jensen's shoulders he pulled himself closer, _God_... Jared shifted restlessly, ass sliding up then back along Jensen's cock. "You want to? It's been a long time. I'll be tight," he whispered against Jensen's ear.

Moaning softly at Jared's hot breath on his ear, Jensen slowly nodded, slipping a hand forward to grasp the bottle of lube in Jared's hand. "Yeah," he breathed though he was sure Jared already knew the answer. This was so different from their time before, Jensen could feel it, how much _more_ this meant. "Jared," he murmured and brushed his lips against the man's, flipping the cap open on the bottle and slicking his fingers.

A gasp rocked through him when Jared slid back over his cock once more, giving Jensen's fingers room to work. He spread his legs slightly beneath his boyfriend's to get Jared's further apart. This was already such a sharp thrill and Jensen could bask in the idea that this was simply one time of many. This time he started with just one finger, searching down beneath Jared's body, rubbing along the entrance and slipping the finger in. "You haven't, touched yourself like this?" He murmured softly, leaning forward to kiss Jared's neck.

"N..no." Jared's voice wavered. "Wanted it to be you." Lashes falling to his cheeks, Jared let out a slow breath and licked his lips. His hand cupped the back of Jensen's skull, pushing his closer to his neck. _God_ he loved him, he loved him so much it made his chest ache like all his muscles were too tight. Shivers ran down his body and Jensen's finger slid deeper, starting the heat racing up his spine again. "Jensen," he whispered.

"I know," Jensen breathed in return because for whatever the reason he felt it, the steady burning heat between them, and all those feelings too big for words. This could be one of those moments he tapped into the more sentimental parts of him but he let it just wrap around him, around them both.

He worked one finger steadily into Jared then added a second slowly. Jared was tight, tighter than he had been before certainly and Jensen sucked in his scent as he panted softly against Jared's neck. "God," he couldn't help moaning softly as Jared's muscles stretched at his touch, Jared's heat a constant pressure against his body, better than he could imagine.

It burned. Jared's breath caught in his chest and his moan was half at the discomfort and more at the incredible sensation of Jensen stretching him. Sucking his boyfriend's bottom lip into his mouth he bit down on it, _hard_ , then licked the pain away gently.

Jensen was beautiful; flushed cheeks, eyes almost black, hair tousled and soft as Jared's fingers moved through it. "More," he mumbled then slammed his mouth down over Jensen's. All the urgency of his feelings went into his kiss, his mouth opening and closing against his boyfriend's, tongue thrusting forward to slip slick and hot over Jensen's.

Despite Jared's request Jensen took his time with two fingers, smirking slightly when Jared shifted almost impatiently against him. But when his boyfriend started rocking back on his fingers Jensen lost his self control and added a third. He went slower this time, teasing the finger in and back out, slowly pushing forward, deepening the kiss between them so his tongue slid against Jared's. He'd never wanted someone as much as he wanted Jared that moment and his hips rocked up slightly against the weight of Jared over him, fingers stretching slowly, moaning into the kiss. Jensen felt almost dizzy with the pleasure now, better than he could anticipate and he could hear his pulse in his ears, a steady thrumming rush.

Heart pounding, Jared circled his hips endlessly. His hands tugged restlessly on Jensen's hair, mouth moving everywhere he could reach. Smooth skin under his lips only made him want Jensen more.

Rocking back hard, Jared moaned. "Please," he breathed. There was nothing at this point that would stop him begging if it would get Jensen inside him faster. "God..."

"Okay. Yeah," Jensen nodded slowly, already mostly lust blown and pulling his fingers free. He slid Jared back slightly to reclaim the bottle of lube and slick himself, hand shaking from how much he _wanted_.

"Jared," he moaned softly and clenched around the base of his cock for just a moment before dropping his hand to the side and wiping along his sheets, trying not to scrunch his face up at that. "Want you, so bad," Jensen murmured, pulling Jared close to him once more.

"I want you, wanna feel you - _God_ , Jensen, please now..." Jared's body was on fire, his mind lost somewhere in all the incredible sensation and feeling - the emotion. _Everything_. Writhing, his spine twisting back and forth, his body rolled forward, arms looping around Jensen's neck as his lips moved across his boyfriend's cheeks, his eyelids, and his jaw. So much, Jared felt as though he might just melt into the mattress, disappear.

Jensen kind of liked this side to Jared, though he probably wouldn't admit it out loud. It sent pleasure racing down his spine knowing just how much Jared wanted him. Inhaling shakily, he helped Jared lift his body up, reaching beneath him to hold his cock steady, running the head along Jared's skin until the man was almost shaking on top of him. A soft moan fell from his lips, growing to something louder as the head of his cock sank just inside his boyfriend, tight heat casing around him.

"Jared," he groaned and let his head bury down into Jared's neck, arching forward as the man slowly sank down onto him.

"Jesus," Jared hissed. Holding himself up on trembling legs he eased his boyfriend's thick shaft inside, slowly. It burned; aching, filling him already and Jared could barely hold himself up. His heart was thudding away so loudly it was deafening and he panted, moaning softly. Finally, unable to be patient a moment more he arched his spine and sank back onto his lover's cock. "Oooh."

Sucking in a quick breath Jared leaned hard forward against Jensen's chest, panting through the stretch of his muscle. "Wait," he breathed, fingers gripping hard onto his boyfriend's shoulders. His lashes fluttered down to his cheek and Jared listened to the way Jensen's breath moved in and out of his lungs, the way his heart thudded strong and sure under Jared's palm.

Stroking soothingly down Jared's back, across his shoulders, down his arms, Jensen sucked in quick breaths then deeper, held them to keep himself from moving. The heat from Jared's body was almost maddening, seeping in along his skin in every possible place and Jensen closed his eyes, adjusting to the constant soaking warmth. "I love you," he murmured with an exhale, hands stroking through Jared's hair, moaning low in his throat when muscles tightened around him.

Reaching up to grab the headboard, Jared pulled himself up. He moaned as heat shot through his body instantly. "M'okay," he whispered against Jensen's lips. Rolling his hips back gently he felt the way Jensen's cock slid out of him then he sat back again, sinking the heat back inside the tight muscle. The burn had faded away to pleasure and Jared could feel his cock thickening again, full and heavy against Jensen's stomach.

"Shit," Jensen sucked in a sharp breath as Jared's body moved over him, head thumping back against the headboard. He blinked his eyes open to watch the ripple of muscles across Jared's chest as he lifted himself once more and sank back down. Jensen moaned louder, hands curling around Jared's waist, letting his boyfriend set the pace but riding out each movement. His hips pushed up to meet each time Jared's body lowered onto his and the heat was almost blinding then gone again as Jared pulled up. "So good. God Jared, so fuckin' good," Jensen panted the words, thumbs sliding along Jared's hipbones as he pushed up once more.

Jared canted his hips, searching and finding the _sweet_ spot he wanted. He shuddered, muscles clenching _hard_ around Jensen's cock as wave after wave of pleasure slammed into him. He actually thought he might pass out - his vision blurred and he collapsed heavily against Jensen's body as he struggled to suck in a breath of air. "Fuck," he gasped out.

It was so much more than he'd even experienced because it _meant_ so much more. It wasn't just the _I love yous_ , it was all the words, the caring, the nights of holding one another. Jared couldn't imagine ever wanting anyone as much as he wanted Jensen.

Grip tightening slightly on Jared's hips, Jensen lifted him, taking control of the situation and rocking Jared's body up. The cool air of the room hit his cock and spun his mind out of control followed so quickly by the burning heat of Jared sinking back down again. Their speed increased, Jensen's hips working up, hands guiding each thrust, hitting that spot over and over in Jared until the man was practically vibrating against him.

Jensen moaned on repeat, unable to speak any longer, too caught up in Jared and how amazing every little spark of sensation was. He could feel it all building up in the pit of his stomach, his toes curling slightly, his body humming for release and he pushed up against Jared so their lips could meet in a hard kiss that spoke volumes.

It wouldn’t make sense to Jared later - but the kiss - the way Jensen's mouth moved against his, the heat, the smooth slick sensation - that's what happened right before he came. His cock throbbed, muscles clenched tightly around Jensen's hot flesh and his mouth fell open in a silent cry. It felt like falling apart piece by trembling piece. Each splash of come between their bodies, each moan, the way Jensen thrust even faster left Jared writhing and gasping for air.

Tight heat clenched vice tight around him and Jensen could feel the burn of come across his chest, Jared's part lips glistened and Jensen thrust up once then hit. His hips rocked through each pulse of his orgasm, flaring heat coating along his skin and Jensen moaned his lover's name in a low drawl, head once more falling back to the headboard. Jensen wrapped his arms tight around Jared, holding him against his chest as he panted softly, eyes slowly opening and closing while he floating back down from the blinding race of his release.

Jared had no idea how long he lay there, cradled in his lover's arms but there was nowhere he would rather be. His heart struggled back to its normal rhythm and eventually Jared could breathe without feeling like he had to pull air into his lungs. "Holy _fuck_ I love loving you," he muttered against Jensen's ear.

Laughing in surprise and at the clench in his heart at the words, Jensen ran his hand up Jared's back and nodded. "You just remember than when I bitch at you sometime about cleaning up after yourself." He grinned and turned enough to catch Jared's lips in a kiss, groaning into it as he pulled Jared up off him, letting him sink back down onto his thighs. "Mm, you're the best kind of wonderful."

"I like us, I think we should probably stay together forever." Jared nodded and sucked gently on Jensen's bottom lip. _Forever_. Giving up on trying to hold himself up at all, Jared melted against Jensen's body and just let his lover hold him there. Exhausted, a little sore and absolutely _fucking_ happier than hell, Jared hummed and nuzzled against Jensen's cheek.

Still grinning, pretty sure the look on his face would get him mocked for years if his friends could see it, Jensen nodded and slid his hand lazily through Jared's hair. "I kind of like the idea. A whole lot. The staying together forever thing. Now you just need to move in here. This place is too lonely without you anyway." It was a half invitation, more testing the waters to see how Jared felt about it. Because moving in would mean no more putting off meeting family and friends, but it would also mean having someone to come home to and everything Jensen ever really wanted.

Blinking a few times Jared held his breath for a few moments then blew it out. "Is that a real - I mean - are you asking me?" Leaning back a little against Jensen's arms, he looked into the man's eyes.

Meeting Jared's gaze, Jensen studied him for a moment then slowly nodded. "Yeah. I'm asking you. If you think, I mean, if this time is right. If you feel like, it'd be okay for you now. I would very much like to have you live here with me." A smile twitched on and off Jensen's face, eyes crinkling slightly along the edges.

Jared's head tilted to the side slightly. "It'll be my home too? I can have a key and drawers?"

"A key, and drawers, part of the closet, a place for your books. You'd help out with groceries, rent even when you've got a job that pays a little more. You'd help make the decisions for things, like if we bought something new. It's like, a partnership or something. An epic love partnership. Whatever, I'm not good with terms. But, yeah." Jensen shrugged slightly, watching the emotions playing on Jared's face.

Jared's eyes widened, smiled crooked and bright. "Does this deal include me having to eat olives?"

"Do you have some particular vendetta against eating olives?" Jensen grinned back, fingers settling on Jared's hips.

"I hate olives. I thought that might be a deal-breaker." Jared's smile was a full-blown grin, dimples and all.

"I can over look the olive thing." Jensen shrugged and leaned forward, unable to resist bumping his nose against Jared's, resting their foreheads together. "Say yes."

"Yes."

That was enough to make Jensen pull Jared in, crushing their lips hard together. He suddenly wanted all of this to happen right _now_. "Tomorrow?" He asked into Jared's mouth in a slight pant.

Laughing, Jared cupped his hands around Jensen's cheeks. "Okay. Yes!" His heart was racing again, but for an entirely different reason.

Joining in Jared's laughter, Jensen curled his arms around Jared and pushed him across the bed, rolling along the mattress until his boyfriend was pinned beneath him. "Sometimes you make me forget how old I am." He grinned and dipped down to bite Jared's neck to prove his point.

"Ooh, don't leave a mark, I _live_ with my boyfriend and he won't like it. In fact, he'll kick your ass." Jared grinned and cinched his arms tight around Jensen's shoulders.

"Nah, I could so take him on. Win too. I'm all tough and manly and... shit." Jensen snorted and flopped down on Jared. There was really something to be said about being so happy, even if his cheeks were probably going to start aching from smiling so much.

-=-=-=-

It only really took Jared a week to get all his stuff organized at Jensen's place. He didn't have much and Jensen worried he'd really notice the difference when compared with Jensen's things but it seemed like Jared was coming to terms with things like that. Still, Jensen prodded and pleaded until Jared caved and let him take him out to buy a few new outfits as a welcome present.

Excluding the things Jensen had paid for on dates and such, the only gift he had given Jared was a cell phone on his plan on Jared's birthday. And really that gift had been just as much for Jensen's benefit because he liked knowing he could get a hold of Jared whenever he wanted.

Once Jensen's friends learned that Jared moved in - which happened Jared's third day there when the man had answered Jensen's phone only minutes after Jensen had gotten home from work and promptly stared at Jensen with wide eyes while Danneel babbled across the line - there was no putting off meeting them. Well, Jensen managed to get them to wait an additional week but the time went by too quickly - Jensen spent a good majority of it learning all the ways to drive Jared crazy with touches and kisses and the best sex he'd ever had night after night. So the second weekend of Jared living there, Jensen's three closest friends were coming for dinner.

"Okay. So, you should probably know a few things before they get here," Jensen said over his shoulder as he stirred the sauce in the pot in front of him. Jared was cutting vegetables for a salad at the opposite counter and Jensen couldn't help grinning at the domestic feel of it all.

"Feel free to talk to Chris and Steve as you like, they'll respect you more for it if you are yourself, so don't feel like you have to win them over or anything. Trust me, they can both be asses but they know how happy you make me. And Danneel and I used to date a few years ago, but we're certainly better as friends, no reason for it to come up but I didn't want you to be blindsided or something if it did."

"Oh okay. But she's not as awesome as me right?" Jared smiled, even though there was a small pinch of jealously in his chest. What he knew was that Jensen loved him, regardless of what they'd _both_ been through in the past.

"No one could ever be as awesome as you." Jensen said over his shoulder and laughed quietly, turning to step in behind Jared and pull hair back along his neck, lips pressing against the skin. "Besides, I've never loved anyone like I love you." He breathed beneath Jared's ear, free hand curling around Jared's hip.

"Mmm, yeah. That's _very_ true." Laughing, Jared put the knife down and spun in his boyfriend's arms, hooked a leg round him and leaned up to kiss him.

Jensen moaned softly into the kiss, leaning Jared slightly back over the counter as their lips tangled together. He was just about to consider whether they'd have time to pursue the counter top and how Jared might look sprawled on it when there was a knock at the door. Groaning, Jensen pulled back slightly, pressing a final kiss to Jared's lips. "Maybe they'll leave if we just stay really, _really_ quiet."

Tightening his arms around his boyfriend's neck, Jared shook his head slowly. "Don't answer it, let's go to bed." He rolled his hips forward into Jensen's and arched his neck back long and lean.

"Mm, so very tempting," Jensen murmured, squeezing Jared for a moment before detaching himself. "Only, Dani has a key and I'm pretty sure neither of us want to be showing _that_ off." He laughed softly and took Jared's hand, leading him to the door while another knock sounded. "Okay, okay, Jesus have a little patience would you?" He unlocked the door and swung it open with one hand, narrowing his eyes at his three friends there. "We don't want any. Whatever you're selling we’re not interested."

"This is the greeting we get? We never see you anymore and you treat us like Jehovah's Witnesses, this is cruel," Chris sighed dramatically and pushed at Jensen to get inside.

"No, pretty sure Jehovah's Witnesses wouldn't push their way into my house. Our house." Jensen corrected just because he _could_ and grinned, glancing over at Jared, stepping almost protectively into his side as Steve and Danneel followed Chris inside.

"Oh god, look at you two. You're like, the supermodel gay couple," Danneel grinned and offered her hand. "Danneel, Jared it's nice to meet you, I've heard so much. And I'm sure you remember the Neanderthal’s behind me."

"Hi Danneel, wow, you're really pretty." Jared squeezed her hand then dropped it and slid back behind Jensen. He was trying not to look at Chris because it was on the tip of his tongue to say that _yes, he remembered the ass_. Instead, he kept his mouth shut and hooked his fingers into Jensen's back pocket.

"Thank you." Danneel beamed and squeezed Jensen's arms in passing to hang up her purse.

Jensen grinned and bumped his shoulder back into Jared. "And Chris, and Steve. In case you forgot which is which. I could easily see how it would happen." Jensen leveled his gaze at his friends, almost daring them to say something.

Thankfully they seemed on board with the idea of being on their best behavior. "Jared, uh, nice to see you again." Chris tried for polite, sounding a bit like he was grunting the words.

"I can tell them apart, Steve was okay when we met, Chris was rude to me." Jared leaned against Jensen's side but lifted his chin stubbornly. This was his home after all.

Jensen had to hide his smirk while Chris and Steve shared a long look. Finally Steve shrugged. "Hey man, he's got a point there. You're the definition of rude."

"Huh." Chris huffed and shrugged then looked back at Jared. "Yeah, you're right about it. Uh, sorry about that then. Right. I'll just go help Dani find the alcohol."

"Oh yeah, 'cause that's gonna help this situation." Steve laughed, trailing off after him.

Turning slightly to look at his boyfriend, Jensen grinned and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Way to hold your own."

Smiling slightly, Jared managed to convince himself to put a _little_ distance between their bodies. "Dani's pretty."

"Yeah, if you're into that sort of thing." Jensen smiled back at him and lifted a hand to tuck hair behind Jared's ear. "I've got this thing for floppy hair though. And, well," Jensen trailed his hand down Jared's chest, grinning at him. "I'll list my favorite qualities about you later, deal?" He fixed his eyes on Jared's once more, checking that he was okay, that this was okay, always wanted Jared to be comfortable in their home.

Smile warming, Jared took a deep breath. "I need a drink." It was a bit nerve-wrecking, dinner with Jensen's best friends. But Jared knew he could hold his own. He had a boyfriend who loved him, a different life and this, _this_ was the home he'd always wanted. Things were good.

"You usually do when Chris and Steve are part of the picture." Danneel laughed as she stepped up to them, offering out two bottles of beer then tilting them back to her. "Um, I'm not like, endorsing underage drinking or something am I?"

Jensen chuckled and shook his head, taking one of the beers and squeezing Jared's hip before heading for the kitchen. "Give him the beer Dani, if there was ever a time he needed it, that would be now."

Jared took the offered beer and watched his boyfriend walk into the kitchen. "He has a great ass."

Eyebrows lifting, Danneel nodded and grinned. "That he does."

"I can feel you both ogling," Jensen glanced their way then over at Steve and Chris who were already fighting over control of the remote. Typical. "Fine fine. I'll be slave boy and finish the dinner. I just better be getting some reward for this."

"Danneel? Do you mind if I go and help my boyfriend in the kitchen?" Jared grinned, already walking backwards away from her.

"Aw, boyfriend. That's too cute. I'll go make sure Chris and Steve don't break anything."

Jensen snorted, only because that was likely to happen, and half turned to watch Jared. "Wanna help me stir the sauce?" He grinned, offering the spoon.

"Sure, so about that reward for you later." Jared shifted his weight back. "I got a lot of ideas."

Heat sparked up in Jensen and he slowly grinned, moving to the fridge to pull out dressings for the salad. "Yeah? Maybe you should make a list or something, just so we can for sure get through them all." He laughed softly at that and stepped up to Jared's side, pressing his lips to his shoulder. "Love you, in case you're wondering."

"Me too, Jensen." Jared's grin would probably be there for the rest of the night.

-=-=-=-


End file.
